The Everlasting Woman

Happy Birthday Papa!

2010-04-16T14:16:00.002-05:00

Today is Pope Benedict XVI's 83rd birthday!

Looking forward to many more birthdays to come.

Pax Christi

Interesting Thoughts

2010-04-13T09:58:00.004-05:00

Father Larry's homily this past Sunday was a discussion on the doubting of Saint Thomas. I found his point that he hopes all doubters continue to doubt because they will eventually swing around and doubt their doubt and thus find faith. Very pivotal for many people, I'm sure.

During a daily Mass Father Larry mentioned that we have two things in life that we must have to survive. The Word and the Eucharist. The Word makes us hungry for the Eucharist. Refreshing!

Today the things Jesus said to the Pharisee, Nicodemus, were thought-provoking (From the Gospel of John, Ch 3):

Jesus said to Nicodemus:

“‘You must be born from above.’
The wind blows where it wills, and you can hear the sound it makes,
but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes;
so it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit.”
Nicodemus answered and said to him,
‘How can this happen?”
Jesus answered and said to him,
“You are the teacher of Israel and you do not understand this?
Amen, amen, I say to you,
we speak of what we know and we testify to what we have seen,
but you people do not accept our testimony.
If I tell you about earthly things and you do not believe,
how will you believe if I tell you about heavenly things?

What do you want in a Pastor?

2010-04-06T19:22:00.004-05:00

Have you every thought about this question?

I can't say that I have thought too much about it, although I imagine all of us frequent church-goers have an idea of what makes a good one and what does not. We all can list traits that we wouldn't want, right?

Hmm, I'm going to have to think about this and keep adding or making changes to this list.

I want him to love the liturgy and express that by making each Mass sacred and full of the mystery that should be there. I want him to respect rubrics and not to reshape the liturgy.
In loving the liturgy, he'd have to love music and care about the music ministry and making it as reverent as possible with lots of Latin and Gregorian Chant and no contemporary music or inappropriate instruments like the tambourine or drum set.
I would love a priest who suggests confession to his parishioners more than once a year and made if available several times a week. I want to hear it from the pulpit and I want to hear him advising it to people when they speak to him about their concerns in general.
I want a priest who stresses that big families are good that they should bring them to church. I want him to encourage NFP.
I want him to be strict during Mass and expect nothing but the utmost respect and reverence from parishioners. I want him to reprimand those that need it.
I want him to respect sacramentals and the prayers in the Ritual. To have holy water and blessed salt available to parishioners and be willing and ready to bless sacramentals with the appropriate prayers that are said for different items.
I want him to ignore a bit of crying from babies but at some point expect the parents to take the child(ren) out when they are disrupting the service.
I want him to tell parishioners to leave their cell phones out of the sanctuary. God is calling them for 1 hour (or 80 minutes) and they either make the commitment or they don't.
I want him to be available to visit with families to attend dinners and host them at the rectory for the elderly, families, and young adults.
I want him to read everything the popes have written and to encourage others to do the same. I want him to recommend good books that every catholic should read.
I want him to catechize! To host seminars for the diocese and to make sure we know why we are catholic.
I want him to offer a Traditional Latin Mass at least once a month or maybe each week or find a priest who would come to do it for him.
I would love for him to be a good homilist. It doesn't have to be long, just make a point and evolve from it! Respect for the readings and honing in on them would be prevalent. I detest it when priests give a homily that has nothing to do with the readings. Even current events can be brought into a homily properly with many of the readings. I would want him to do the homilies 3 out of 4 weeks each month and not expect the deacons to do most of the homilies.
I want loads of (reverent, liturgy-loving, respectful) deacons and acolytes and lots of servers. I prefer all boys but Pope JPII made it okay for girls so I'm not offended when I see them. But I do yearn for the aspect of the server as a introduction to the priesthood.
I would want him to have a strong prayer life and be an example to his parish by praying with them not only at Mass but in their homes, in the chapel and so forth.
I do not have a problem with a priest stressing the importance of tithing and I encourage it. Many people don't even know what is expected of them and good catechesis would solve this. But when the parish is in need, the priest should speak and ask for more from his flock.
More than one would be a blessing and a benefit to all. It would be nice to have a retired priest on hand to rotate through daily Mass, help out with confessions and overall be a part of pastoral care.

Whew, that is a long list. Maybe I am asking too much from a single man but one can dream, right?

Most of those who know me know that one or two priests already fit most of these tickets. I have been blessed to know many good priests who have set an example for me to expect.

Why am I Catholic?

2010-04-06T17:44:00.005-05:00

With all of the horrible things being said in the media about the Pope, sex abuse scandals and corruption it is difficult as a Catholic to defend my Church when someone asks me what I think about such things.

For one thing, these people aren't Catholic and most of them aren't exactly God-fearing Christians either so they really don't understand. And just saying something like, "You can't believe everything you read," just doesn't seem to cut it. Although it is true, you get that look of, "Yeah, right."

There is a war going on. A war against Catholicism. And most catholics don't even know it is going on or even choose to acknowledge it. Acknowledging it is like..... believing that the devil really does exist. I think most people wouldn't deny that Satan exists, they just don't think he is truly present around us. It is much easier to think about him far away in a land called Hell than to think he is among us and is putting thoughts in our heads and encouraging us to be selfish and uncharitable towards one another. It is much easier to scoff than it is to think that my angry thoughts towards someone is being encouraged.

So why be a Catholic? Why not be some other religion that isn't being crushed by the popular vote? We live in a society where being religious is not cool. And what isn't cool gets stomped on. Of course, religion isn't cool. It is a way of life. It is striving to be virtuous and good. Who could be cool and good?

It is hard to be Catholic! No one ever quit being Catholic because it was just too easy. It is a trial. You bear a cross. You suffer. You pray and pray and often prayers go unanswered. You are tested to see if you truly believe! I actually feel uneasy a lot of the time because I have many blessings. I wonder what cross I will be asked to carry next. I want to ask God to give me a cross but at the same time I am scared of the cross he will give. I imagine crosses that I may have some day and how I would carry them.

Will I be infertile? Maybe so, but I have nothing against adoption. That isn't an easy process but I think I can handle it.
Will I be poor? Sure, why not? I'd rather be poor than wealthy, actually. Being rich seems stressful in a different way that I wouldn't want. I'm savvy enough to maintain a budget and a household on a low income (I hope).
Will I lose a family member? That would be very hard and I would suffer and grieve very much but I totally think I could suffer under it and still have my faith.
Will I die young? I would be sad for those who would grieve for me but I hope that I would find my resting place with Our Lord once and for all.

I'm feeling guilty because I know he wouldn't give me something I couldn't handle so I feel like I am admitting sin by writing this down. *sigh* We're all sinners right? The Church is not for the righteous, it is for the sinners. We want absolution from our sins.

Why am I Catholic?

Because I believe in the Truth. I believe that the Catholic Church is the One True Church, One Holy, One Catholic and One Apostolic. I believe that Jesus is true God and true man. That He died for our sins and was resurrected to show us the way, the truth and the life. I believe Jesus founded the Church with Peter and that means something. I believe in His Body and His Blood and that I need it to survive. I believe in the Sacraments that the holy waters of baptism washed away my original sin, that I received the gifts of the Holy Spirit upon Confirmation, that I receive absolution when I go to Confession. I look forward to the sacrament of Matrimony because being married in the Church is not the same thing as being married legally. I believe in eternal life and the resurrection of the body. I believe in the intercessions of Mary, the Mother of God and of the Saints. I believe in the power of prayer, particularly in the rosary. I believe in Christ's mercy for me and He shows me how to have mercy for others. I believe what the Church teaches and although I fail day by day I will continue to persevere in hopes of His love and by loving Him that He gives me His Most Sacred Heart.

Did Christ say that he founded a perfect Church? Hardly. When you draw sinners together you are bound to have a few that will lose face, will sin again, will not trust God to keep them. It is a simple message but a very hard one to follow. The Church shall prevail against the gates of Hell. So I encourage him, bring it.

My heart is restless until it rests in Him.

So, am I Catholic? Damn straight!

He is Risen!

2010-04-06T17:20:00.004-05:00

Well another fruitful season of Lent has passed us. Sometimes I feel old...

Anyway, out of my six students in RCIC five of them were at the Vigil and all but one finished the sacraments of initiation. The one poor girl was sick and after throwing up twice her parents took her home before communion. We'll have to do something special for her, she was so looking forward to this experience! The sixth student is going to receive her sacraments later due to a family reunion.

Yet we are not done, there is catechesis to be taught and First Reconciliation to be made. I do love teaching the kids about the Church. Tomorrow we are going to pray the rosary in the prayer garden! One of my favorite experiences with the kids and they seem to enjoy it as well.

Holy Saturday was quite full of things to do as we had rehearsal with Father Larry in the morning, a nice lunch of vegetable soup and a retreat where the children received letters from family and friends telling them how much they love them. It is always a great experience to see the kids read their letters. We discussed what would happen at the Vigil and then they wrote their own letter to Jesus telling Him anything in their hearts and why they were becoming Catholic. These letters were carried up to the altar during the presentation of the gifts. The reception after Mass was quite lovely with lots of food and flowers. I took a dozen roses home to love on.

On Sunday I got up to make bunny shaped biscuits which were a total failure when they came out of the oven (they lost their bunny shape) but tasted excellent so I was happy about that. Matthew and I shared an Easter meal with his (soon-to-be-"our") parents and three friends were there to share it with us. It was the first time we have been able to spend time with an engaged couple from RCIA, Stephanie and Michael, and I think they had a wonderful time. A dear friend of ours, Mark, was present as well and he brought some food to share. We love spending time with Mark, it is hard to find such a wonderful friend who loves to talk about books and spirituality and almost anything! We played a game of dominoes after dinner and then we had to go feed and take Chewy on a walk. We returned to Dick and Karol's to pray the rosary together and watch the Discovery Channel's Life series. Overall a fun-filled day.

I missed my own families holiday filled with chatter and children hunting for Easter eggs and baskets full of candy. My wonderful sister, Melissa, did bring me these amazing Easter eggs called opera creams which my mother will store for me until I come home. These eggs are hand made and are such a treat!

I gave up playing on the internet for Lent and alloted myself one hour each day to check my email and look at blogs and things. So far I think I did a good job and even had days in there where I didn't get on a computer at all! I am happy to be able to read lots of Catholic blogs again. But that is for another post.

_____________________________________________

Blessed be God.

Blessed be His Holy Name.

Blessed be Jesus Christ, true God and true man.

Blessed be the name of Jesus.

Blessed be His Most Sacred Heart.

Blessed be Jesus in the Most Holy Sacrament of the Altar.

Blessed be the Holy Spirit, the paraclete.

Blessed be the great Mother of God, Mary most holy.

Blessed be her holy and Immaculate Conception.

Blessed be her glorious Assumption.

Blessed be the name of Mary, Virgin and Mother.

Blessed be Saint Joseph, her most chaste spouse.

Blessed be God in His Angels and in His Saints.

May the heart of Jesus, in the Most Blessed Sacrament, be praised, adored, and loved with great affection, at every moment, in all the tabernacles of the world, even to the end of time. Amen.

Have Faith

2010-03-25T09:56:00.003-05:00

This gorgeous picture is being sent around the internet and I find myself awestruck. You never know when God is going to throw something right at you that you won't want to miss!

Genesis Humor

2010-03-25T09:49:00.003-05:00

Today I read this over on the Musings of a Pertinacious Papist and must share:

There are a whopping nine faithful Catholics in Congress who oppose the public funding of abortion. That's really good news. Faithful, shining witnesses to the truth of the Gospel.Nine. Out of 136 Catholics in Congress. The rest of whom support the public funding of abortion.

Let me see ... When Abraham was negotiating with God on the number of righteous men in Sodom for the sake of which God would not destroy it, how many was the minimum, do you remember?

Genesis 18:32 --

Then [Abraham] said, "May the Lord not be angry, but let me speak just once more. What if only ten can be found there?" And [the Lord] answered, "For the sake of ten, I will not destroy it."

Oh, crap.

Fred McNair

2010-03-16T10:19:00.004-05:00

We were astonished to find out on Sunday that a good and pious man at our parish had suddenly passed away. He was 64 and seemed to be in good health, we were caught by surprise at this news. Matthew and I did not know Fred McNair very well but we saw him every day at Mass. Fred and his wife, Evelyn, are Knight and Lady in the Order of the Holy Sepulchre, which is dedicated to supporting Holy Places, particularly in Jerusalem. They told us about the Order during one of the seminars on the Crusades last year.

The last few days daily Mass has been tearful because Fred was known to pray for vocations during the Intercessions. Now, someone different every day has said Fred's prayer for him. I'm sure many of us will add his prayer to our daily intercessions.

"For an increase in the response to God's call to the priesthood and consecrated religious life. And for the perseverance in all vocations. We pray to the Lord."

The Seven Storey Mountain

2010-03-09T15:11:00.004-06:00

During the season of Lent I've been reading The Seven Storey Mountain which is Thomas Merton's autobiography. He was a Trappist Monk at Gethsemane which is located in Kentucky. Matthew and I paid it a visit in September of last year and found it remarkably full of peace and beauty. The brothers make cheese, fruit cake and bourbon fudge (yum!). Nothing was overblown, it was just beautiful in its simplicity. I can't wait to return for a weekend stay.

I'm not that far in the book, Thomas has just reached 17 and he is not Catholic (yet).

I read this passage this morning and it spoke to me. Something I think all of us can understand yet fall victim to from time to time.

People who are immersed in sensual appetites and desires are not very well prepared to handle abstract ideas.

This is why I think we Catholics pursue acts of penance, fasting and abstinence. When we starve our cravings and temptations then we truly can think clearly and think things through.

I am left wondering how we are to teach these ideas to our children. Is it that they must come to these conclusions by themselves? I suppose the best I can do is plant the seeds of these fruits multiple times.

Marriage Prep 4: Adjustments

2010-02-11T11:47:00.003-06:00

So the fourth session of marriage prep was about adjustments and it was quite fun! I haven't written about it for a few reasons and none that I feel I can go into publicly.

Anyway, some of the highlights are:

- We met another family that goes to our parish and learned about their lives, marriage and children.

- We played the "Nearly Wed" game and every couple did quite well making the 8 couples' engagements look sound.

- The winners (not us) were rewarded with a cake-cutting ceremony and pictures of the event. It was quite cute.

- The topic asked us to discuss how we see our lives changing and what we will expect from each other on a daily basis from who does what to help out around the house to how we'd like to see holidays planned.

It is surprising to realize that we are halfway through and only have three more sessions left. We still have to take the FOCCUS test but I'm not really worried about running out of time. So, I'll update on what goes on this evening for #5.

_______________________________________________

O, Most gracious heavenly Father, thank You, for being present in our lives in every way possible. Thank You, for the restlessness that reminds us to desire to be with You at all times. Thank You, for St. Louis and the wonderful family of friends we have there. Thank You, for Father Larry, Father Oliver and Father Paul. Please, bless them and keep them close to You. In Your name, we pray. Amen.

Texas Rally for Life January 23, 2010

2010-02-02T10:39:00.007-06:00

Last year I went to the prayer vigil outside of an abortion clinic on the anniversary of Roe vs. Wade. I went with some friends and it was very very cold that morning. We then went to a pro-life Mass said by Bishop Aymond. I did not go to the March or the Rally last year.

This year I had obligations in the morning so Matthew and I went to the Rally to hear the speeches. It was a beautiful day and we saw many friends there. The prayer vigil last year was hard and there were many abortion supporters there to harass those in prayer. Next year I will make the effort to go again as we all need to suffer for Christ.

Here are some pictures:

Matthew , Adam, Sharon and some of their clan

Planned Parenthood: A Deadly Choice!

Heather, Allison, Kristi and me

Joe Pojman the Director of Texas Alliance for Life

The happy engaged couple!

At no point in time is abortion a happy time. But being amongst loving people who understand and appreciate life certainly brings joy to any occasion.

Project Gabriel

2010-02-01T09:42:00.006-06:00

My friend, Maria, is the new Gabriel Project coordinator at my parish and she has been hungrily searching for more volunteers and doing a great job! She has me signed up. :)

I am called to help those who are in crisis pregnancies because I feel that I can be as pro-life as I like but until I help those out there who are willing to go through the struggle of adding a pregnancy to their already complicated lives then I am just a bystander. I know Matthew will be willing to help me and be involved. I haven't been trained yet and I will go to a training session next weekend. I know that I will encounter frustrations and distress but I am going into this not seeking rewards or even believing in seeing the fruits of my efforts. I hope this will lead us to more fervent prayer and less restlessness.

I want to do as my friends, Sharon and Adam, do. They live their faith. They live a Christ-life life and set an example to their children. I wish I could have found a faith-filled life sooner. Late have I loved Thee, O Beauty, so ancient and so new. Late have I loved Thee. ~Saint Augustine.

I know my parents have volunteered in the past. My mother and her friend cleaned the church every week when I was small. I recall smelling the pledge and other cleaning solution as they wiped down the pews and polished the brass. But when we moved to Kentucky she no longer did that. I am grateful to have those faint but surfacing memories of crawling around the pews quietly in the sanctuary and talking to Christ with my child-like prayers. She has been the one who cleans and irons the purificators for Mass for longer than I can remember and that is a beautiful way to serve the Lord. I think they are scared to do anything more outside of their comfort zone and thus gave me a sheltered life. There are many blessings in that so I do not complain (too much).

It is very easy to get me to do something at church. It is where I want to be.

Marriage Prep Day 3: NFP and other stuff

2010-02-01T09:25:00.004-06:00

Our last marriage prep meeting was great! Amy and her husband, Adam, gave the talk about NFP. All the couples said they wanted children so that cleared the way for more discussion. It was interesting to hear Adam talk about what it was like to not be Catholic and go through marriage prep and NFP classes with Amy and that it was okay. We didn't get much else out of it besides witnessing to the wonders which is the Creighton Model System and encouraging the other couples to look into it. The two couples there who we know practice NFP are into the Couple to Couple League which teaches the symptothermal method.

A poem in Bishop Sheen's autobiography which is germane to the discussion:

Some moralists claim that the Pill

May be used even though you're not ill.

It gives the ability

To banish fertility

But I can't really think it's God's Will.

Another thing about Bishop Sheen that you see throughout his writings is the concept of freedom of choice. God gave us the freedom to love and accept him or to deny him. We h

ave the freedom to do as we please but God's Will is not the freedom to do what we want but the freedom to do as we ought.

This past week I was able, with Matthew's help, to get quite a bit of wedding planning done. I ordered the cardstock for the programs (yay!); I found a great price on Saint Michael medals and ordered those; and the brown wooden beads were ordered. So when these arrive we'll have much more work to do. We went to Hobby Lobby this weekend to get some pricing ideas on a frame and matte for what I want in our home. And we worked on the invitations and are close to checking those off of our list.

A few of the girls from church wanted to start a book club so we met on Friday and picked

out a selection of books. We are first going to read The Red Tent by Anita Diamant. It his a

biblical historical fiction novel written about what it was like to be a woman during those times, specifically from the point of view of Jacob's daughter, Dinah. I read it many moons ago and I look forward to reading it again and discussing it with the other women. Our second book

for Lent will be The Seven Storey Mountain by Thomas Merton. So exciting!

Team Rubicon

2010-01-28T10:27:00.004-06:00

I have been aware of this group of Marines, doctors and other volunteers who went to Haiti to give aid, food and help in any way to those in need. The name of this group? Team Rubicon. The things they have done for our brothers and sisters in Christ in denied areas due to risk is wonderful.

It is good to know that there are people out there who care so much to drop everything to give aid because they are equipped with the guts and the know-how.

I noticed they pray every morning and evening together and here is their prayer, from Saint Ignatius:

Lord, teach me to be generous.

Teach me to serve you as you deserve;

to give and not to count the cost,

to fight and not to heed the wounds,

to toil and not to seek for rest,

to labor and not to ask for reward,

save that of knowing that I do your will.

God Bless these people for their dedication, intelligence and most importantly for their love.

Travel

2010-01-27T09:52:00.003-06:00

I hope we can travel around the world. Not with a lot of money or to buy and do expensive things. But to visit other people and see where Christianity first started. So see where Mary is honored and to pray at famous places.

Anyway, I just found a quote by Saint Augustine which makes me think of this.

The world is a book and those who do not travel read only a page.

Considering how much both Matthew and I read it would be devastating to never travel--almost insulting, really!

I should keep a list of places we hope to visit, I'll start now.

Rome

The Vatican

Lourdes

Paris

Calcutta

(Don't worry, I'll be back to update!)

2010-01-27T09:22:00.003-06:00

Such a beautiful poem by Father Leonard Feeney.*

Whenever the bright blue nails would drop

Down on the floor of his carpenter's shop,

St. Joseph, prince of carpenter men,

Would stoop to gather them up again;

For he feared for two little sandals sweet

And very easy to pierce they were

As they pattered over the lumber there

And rode on two little Sacred Feet.

But alas on a hill between earth and heaven

One day--two nails into a cross were driven

And fastened it firm to the Sacred Feet

Where once rode two little sandals sweet.

And Christ and His Mother looked off in death

Afar--to the valley of Nazareth

Where the carpenter shop was spread with dust

And the little blue nails all packed in rust

Slept in a box on the window sill;

And Joseph lay sleeping under the hill.

What a tear-jerker for me. I have always been very fond of Saint Joseph and admired what an amazing man he was for marrying Mary and being the adopted father to Jesus. I sometimes yearn to know more about him and I wish our Gospel writers had been inspired to write more. Especially, since we model our own families after the Holy Family.

How often do we think about Jesus as a toddler? I don't have children, yet, but I imagine when I do I will think about Jesus has a small child more. Right now, though, I think of him usually as an adult. When I do contemplate him so small it makes me thankful that our Lord became man for us to grasp him more.

*Please note, reader, that I am aware of the history of Fr. Feeney and I do not agree with his teachings but that does not mean he did not love God and was incapable of art. I am not his fan but I do appreciate this one act of love that came out of him.

Bishop Fulton J. Sheen

2010-01-22T11:29:00.006-06:00

I don't believe I can express enough how much I enjoy reading anything by Bishop Sheen. I recently read a biography about him by Thomas Reeves before reading his autobiography, Treasures in Clay. You may wonder what the title of his book means and I won't tell! You should read it to find out, it is a wonderful symbol.

The biography was very honest and the writer, although clearly a fan of Sheen, made a point to emphasize facts about who he spoke to, the letters and newspapers he read. Bishop Sheen lived a most extraordinary life and had his fair share of grief.

I recommend reading the biography before the autobiography. I find that

upon reading the second his sorrow melts down each page as lays down events with humor. It is amazing to understand that while you feel his hurt, he expresses it so well with just the right words. He says only the nicest things about people who have hurt him and if you haven't read the biography you won't notice his forgiveness and desire to love and be loved.

In fact, I feel like I am reading him for the last time. I slowly chew on each word and mourn that I never will meet him on this earth.

I realize that I haven't read everything of his but this is truly his last published work and so he writes it as a

goodbye to his beloved flock.

He may be gone but he is certainly not forgotten.

Marriage Prep Day 2: Intimacy

2010-01-22T11:09:00.002-06:00

Last night was day two of marriage prep class. The topic was intimacy. It went smoothly, we didn't really learn anything new. Just a reminder to think things through about each other since we are so different.

The couple leading the discussion, Martha and Javier, were really great! I enjoyed hearing about their marriage and they worked well together on the presentation. I found it interesting that they were married at ages 18 and 19 and that a priest wouldn't marry them because he didn't believe they would make it. So they were civilly married for a few years before having their marriage blessed. They discussed how hard it was to go to Mass and not receive communion. I was very impressed. They have been married for 32 years! It is a shame that someone in authority did not trust that they heard His Voice and listened to it.

We have a homework assignment for next week but I haven't had a chance to look at it yet. I hope this weekend we can get a lot of wedding plans accomplished. Although most of Saturday is taken for a Young Adult Advisory Board meeting and the Rally for Life at the capital. Today is the day in history that Roe vs Wade was passed. I keep praying for the respect for Life in our nation and around the world.

It fills me with sorrow the way our world is today. Those of us who are devoted to God have trouble understanding because it seems so simple. To me, the answer is that we trust God completely and when we don't trust Him that is when we suffer the most. Realizing this and focusing our trust in Him strengthens our relationship with Him. I don't remember my first grasp of my trust in Him because I was a child and that doesn't mean I didn't continue to sin. Every time I sin it is because I stop trusting Him. I can imagine that for someone who has no trust in Him at all that it would be hard to take that first step because God doesn't want just a little bit of your soul, he wants all of it. It seems that to some people that He is asking too much. They are missing out on much joy.

Anyway, I have been suffering from allergies because I don't always take my medication (I don't want to be pumped full of drugs if it isn't necessary and the doctor told me that was fine). I have been trying to check on the allergen counts and it wasn't very accurate about this past weekend so I am coping as best as I can. I had to leave during part of Mass this morning so I could cough without disturbing everyone else. It looks like most of January, February and March have high expectations of mold and pollen so I guess I will be taking my pill every day.

So today I pray for abortionists, those who are thinking about having one, and those that have had one. May they find God and comfort in Him. And I pray for the other couples in our marriage prep class. I hope that they are getting as much out of it as we are.

Abstaining

2010-01-15T10:58:00.002-06:00

Matthew and I have decided to abstain from meat on Fridays and so far it has worked out okay. I tend to eat a lot of tuna. :)

One problem I have been having is what to do as a penance on the Fridays that we do eat meat. Our friends, Sharon and Adam, pray all the decades of the Rosary as penance. I think this is beautiful and a wonderful penance but it doesn't seem like the right fit for us. So I will continue to pray for guidance and to discern what our best option will be. Any suggestions would be welcome!

So it is Friday and my lunch box has tuna in it. Yum! My preferred method is to mix in a few tablespoons of Miracle Whip and eat it on Pringles. Put on toasted bread is good as well but not as yummy as chips.

Marriage Prep

2010-01-15T09:26:00.003-06:00

Last night was our first marriage prep class and it was about communication and our love languages. I think we had already covered much of that material on our own, which is good and we gained some new insights into understanding our backgrounds.

One major point that I felt was stressed was that we are taught how to communicate at a very young age by our families. Keeping this in mind we then analyzed how we communicate with others and predicting how our fiance then must primarily communicate. It was very informative since Matthew and I were obviously raised differently. A Catholic household does not identical make.

Also the topic of the Sacrament of Marriage was covered. I wish more time could have been spent on this but, alas, no. I'm sure some more information will be covered down the road. The more interesting topics broached was why are we getting married in an age where 48% of people get divorced? And that the sacrament of marriage is a covenant of three vows: permanence, fidelity and procreation.

I believe there are 8 couples in our program, which is cool! Last night everyone stood up and said how they met, what their occupation is and their wedding date. We have two friends with us, J. C. and Rebecca so it is fun to talk to them and share this experience with them. I do hope to get to know the other couples a bit better. It would be neat to know that they are there for the same reasons we are and not just to fill a requirement or make their families happy.

2010-01-14T13:45:00.006-06:00

I forgot to add in my 2009 Year in Review that I found Father Zuhlsdorf (Father Z) on What Does The Prayer Really Say and fell in love with my Catholic Faith and have learned so much about our religion's history, present and future from this amazing blog. His blog tends to earn awards in the religion categories and I don't know how many followers he has but it is at least a couple thousand worldwide.

Oh, and some have asked about what kind of cakes we will have at our wedding. So here is the list:

Raspberry buttercream

Almond

Hazelnut

Spumoni

Cannoli

The cannoli and hazelnut are my favorite but all taste good! If you desire something specific and it isn't at your table then turn around and trade a piece with another table. Matthew and I will be having cannoli at our table, yum!

Tonight is our first marriage prep meeting and I am really looking forward to meeting all the people and learning a few new things.

Happy New Year! (Belated)

2010-01-13T13:51:00.005-06:00

Just spent three weeks in Kentucky for wedding planning, Christmas, and Rachel's wedding. When I am at my parents home, I tend to not want to get on the internet or respond to emails nor answer the phone. It is strange because in my other life that is not like me at all.

My 2009 Year in Review:

I started dating Matthew!

Mom and Dad came to Austin for a visit.

Lost a roommate and moved into a one-bedroom.

My first catechumens went through Easter Vigil and received the sacraments of initiation.

Went to D. C. and to Colonial Williamsburg.

My cousin was married and Matthew met my family.

I got engaged to Matthew!

I dedicated time to meaningful friendships and maintained the past ones from grade school.

I deepened my faith and educated myself on what it is to be truly Catholic. (that will be a never ending process)

I started seeing strands of gray hair appear in my hair. *sigh*

We start our marriage prep tomorrow and I am looking forward to that. I don't think every time will be fun but it will help us relate better. I'm not always easy to get along with.

I have a wedding dress, cakes are picked out, music is selected for ceremony, we think we have our readings decided on. We met with the photographer, caterer, DJ and make some preliminary decisions. So far so good.

What's happening

2009-12-03T10:23:00.004-06:00

I've been very busy lately, as well has been Matthew. Thanksgiving was great and relaxing here in Austin. We had dinner with Dick and Karol and our friends, Seyma and Tayfun, came over to eat and play dominoes with us. Food was great, company was great! God is good!

On black Friday we did go shopping but not until the afternoon. We went to Macy's. Matthew needs to throw away some clothing that he has had for too long and replace some things! So we've been slowly updating his clothes with things more comfortable, better quality and fashionable. I'm very excited about his new clothes. We had to leave our items there because we purchased them on a sale price that wasn't going to happen on that day. I am going to stop by Macy's tonight to pick them up. I bought three pretty dresses and I might take one back but it was worth it to buy it at the discount price and decide later to return.

We have been busy thinking about our Christmas plans and I have been working on my Christmas gift-list. I am happy that I have something in mind for all who I am shopping for and I will be able to stay within my budget.

Our engagement party is just around the corner so I am making my checklist for that! We are very excited to be engaged and are happy that so many friends and loved ones want to celebrate with us. I have the cutest dress to wear!

We are going to be gone for awhile over Christmas. We are leaving Monday, December 21st and won't return until Saturday, January 9th. A lot of wedding planning will be done while we are at home. We need to meet with Msgr. Neuhaus, Father Ed, Fred the photographer, Marylin the baker, the caterer, musicians, and a host of other things. I'm looking forward to visiting with family and friends. I look forward to the cold weather but I hope travel is easy.

We watched Therese, Fulton and Gianna last night and had a fabulous time. The kids love to be read to and play games. Putting them to bed is always the end of the fun, children never like to brush their teeth or say goodnight but we managed without too much difficulty. I can't imagine what it would be like to watch other children who don't have the charitable hearts and innocence that the Gretencord clan have. The worst we get when a child is angry is, "I don't like you," "I wish you weren't here," or "No, I won't put my pajamas on." I would be horrified to hear them say anything harsh. Sharon and Adam are marvelous mentors on raising children. We have learned so much.

Matthew has decided on his game plan for graduate school and it coincides pretty nicely with my education. I'm really happy that he is happy and that it so far seems like a challenge but within reach. The more we learn about homeschooling the more desirable it is to us. Since I will be the one in charge of the education then it is important for Matthew's career goals to take precedence. My own goals include working for us to have the extra income to save for the future and buy a house. We might decide later that some schooling outside the home is a better idea than us doing all of it so it is important that I complete my degree so that I can return to work later and be qualified.

Anyway, that's what's been going on with us lately. I hope to have some time to write more later.

I've added the daily readings to the blog more for my benefit than for others. We have been going to daily Mass together every day and it would be nice if I read the readings the day before. Sometimes I have trouble following by just listening. I know we are supposed to "listen" to the Word of the Lord and I try but following along helps me focus and retain. If I was asked what I just heard I would, more often than not, not have an answer. I know that I am a bad listener, I have spent years working on it and I do care about what people say.

Anyway, Peace in Christ be with you all!

2009-11-20T10:17:00.003-06:00

I came across a website today (of course, through Father Z's blog: http://wdtprs.com/blog/) that offers help for priests who are in crisis and gives suggestions that the laity can do for them. It struck me that I very well could know a priest who has no family living or family in the area who are available to help them in need. We all have either known a priest who went through a hard time with either his parish, his diocese, his family or other matters. If you haven't then you might not even be aware that a priest you know may experience times of loneliness. Think of the times in your life when you have been sad or depressed and who have you turned to? Not all priests have those options available to them.

It is a good thing when parishioners go out of their way to extend invitations to dinner and give gifts to their pastor. Even if they are not able to accept a dinner invitation they at least know that people love them and want their company.

Anyway, here is the website take a look when you can: www.priestsincrisis.com/blog/

I don't know how successful they are in helping out priests but even if they have been there for just one then they have made a difference.

If we are unhappy with our Catholic identity and desire for more unity within our own Church what better way than for it to start with our priests? This is the Year for Priests so we should be more diligent about offering up prayers for priests in our daily prayer then ever before. I'm going to make time today to pray the Rosary for priests. What are you going to do?

Wedding Website

2009-11-17T14:00:00.004-06:00

We have a wedding website! It is cool, you should check it out.

Click here.

We also started working on our registry. We've decided to register at Macy's and at Crate and Barrel. I originally thought Crate and Barrel would be too expensive but they actually have quite a few things that are nice and less expensive than Macy's (such as wine glasses and some kitchen stuff).

This past weekend we went crazy at Macy's since they gave us a huge discount and we bought an engagement party dress for me, three new pairs of shoes for Matthew, dress shirts for all the groomsmen and all the ties for the wedding. I'm excited because we got such great deals and that so much can be checked off on the list!

_______________________________________________

Praise be to God! Oh, and a special prayer to Saint Elizabeth of Hungary:

Our Father in Heaven, Your servant, Saint Elizabeth brought care to the sick, food to the hungry, and hope to the hopeless, grant us your blessing that we may follow in her footsteps with love and joy on our hearts. Amen.

I pinch...

2009-11-17T13:53:00.002-06:00

When Matthew and I first started dating he showed me the Honda crab commercial and ever since then we've had a long standing joke. Whenever I feel like scaring or annoying him, I lean towards him and creepily say, "I pinch" and he shudders and cries, "Nooooo!"

It's cute. Maybe you have to have been there from the beginning to understand.

So........

I pinch.

Happenings

2009-11-04T13:39:00.005-06:00

So what has been going on lately:

1. Matthew and I looked at wedding bands and have narrowed down to two choices for each of us. Mine is going to be simple (yay!) and his is more ornate. We are thinking of getting him a tungsten carbide band that has a Catholic cross design on it. I think it is exquisite!

2. We bought his suit for the wedding, it is very stylish!

3. Greg has a girlfriend.

4. School has been frustrating.

5. Church has had loads of activities going on.

6. We switched our Adoration day and time to Friday at 7pm. I was struggling so much with the Tuesday 11pm time. If anyone is interested... I'm sure that spot will be hard to fill. We gave it our best shot.

7. We've had some fiascos that we can only thank God for His humor.

8. I finished Life of Christ and now I am reading The World's First Love. I can't get enough of Bishop Sheen's writings!

9. The economy is in bad shape.

10. America is trying to institute health care reform. But the USCCB is not endorsing anything that would imply funding abortions.

11. The Church is opening Its doors to conservative Anglicans.

Texas Alliance for Life Benefit Dinner

2009-10-28T12:31:00.005-05:00

Last Thursday, Sharon and Adam invited us to be their guests at the Texas Alliance for Life dinner (pictured below). I didn't know the executive director is a member of my parish! Pretty cool, it was wonderful to see so many people we knew there. The guest speaker was absolutely amazing. Gianna Jessen survived an abortion and lives to tell about it! She is an amazing orator and her talk was well honed. It was a wonderful benefit dinner and I hope that TAL receives the funds they are asking for.

Sharon and Adam also asked three Dominican Sisters of Mary, Mother of the Eucharist to attend the event and pictured below is one holding Cecilia (I think that is Sister Mary Jacinta).

I feel honored to have been asked to attend such an event and I hope that we will be able to be able to afford to donate more money as we advance in our careers to the charities that mean the most to us. TAL is certainly one of them. It was fascinating to hear of the progress and advancements they have made with shutting down illegal abortion clinics and helping pro-life advocates obtain election in certain offices. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside to know so many people who are full of love and speak openly about the right to life.

_____________________

O, my Jesus, forgive us our sins, save us from the fires of Hell, and lead all souls to Heaven, especially those in most need of Thy mercy. Amen.

God bless Sharon and Adam for their dedication and hard work for respecting life and teaching others to do the same.

Fright at the Museum

2009-10-26T14:19:00.017-05:00

Yesterday, Matthew and I took Makayla to UT's Fright at the Museum! It certainly wasn't the normal Halloween experience I thought it would be. They had actual bugs baked into the cookies. Needless to say I was abstained from eating them. They had all kinds of creepy crawly bugs for kids to hold and pet. Makayla wasn't interested in that in the slightest. :) But she enjoyed story time and coloring her franken-saur. After the Halloween event we took her to my office and I showed her the lab. We froze pennies in liquid nitrogen and she smashed them with a hammer. It was fun!

Matthew and I with an old friend...

This tiger-woman has a tarantula crawling on her.

Apparently it is cool to paint a dead fish, slap it on a piece of paper, wipe the paint off and pass the fish to the next kid. It smelled. It looked gross. It is gross. Must be a Texas thing, I've never seen anything like it before.

Matthew really thought it was cute that the dinosaur bones had tombstones near them. They said, "RIP 65 MYA".

Makayla was playing the part of the Scooby Doo Sleuths and was investigating behind those graves.

Crispy Critter is right, eek! But nonetheless, a super sign!

Microscope labs, pretty cool!

Don't be fooled, these are real. They even had a bowl of live larva squirming around right next to the food.

Makayla was working on her Franken-Saur. Seemed much safer than most of the other activities.

We found a winged-lion and boy did he roar at Makayla!

This is my favorite picture by far.... She wanted to pose on this statue and she happens to be hugging the leg of a horse right under its rear end. Horses hinny poses with Makayla. Isn't she too cute not to post this picture?

To end the evening we took Makayla to her mom's and then headed over to Dick and Karol's, my future Mom and Dad, and they served the most amazing pot roast with potatoes, carrots, and onions! Heaven on Earth!

I still need to post the circus pictures, I'll get to is as soon as I can! She's always fun to be around. I think when we next can get her then we'll make pizza and play some games.

Too Far Behind

2009-10-20T15:25:00.009-05:00

I am so far behind on posting and I have had so many things happen that I don't even know where to begin!

I am engaged! Hooray! I am determined that despite the best efforts of my mother that I am going to have a happy engagement and wedding. We are getting married at St. Mary's Cathedral in Covington, KY on August 7th, 2010. It isn't that far away! Father Ed Brodnick is going to marry us and I have known him since I was nine. I have always dreamed of him being the celebrant at my wedding. Most girls dream about what dress they will wear and who they will have as bridesmaids but me? I dream about who's going to be the priest! Hahaha.

I am really happy with the ring that Matthew gave to me. I have always wanted something different and a sapphire really does it for me. Even the cut is spectacular. A fun part has been in having the stones shipped from around the world for us to look at and decide which color blue we liked the best and which had the best brilliance. It is exciting to have it on my finger and probably and hour doesn't go by that I don't stop to look at it and smile.

Anyway, now that I have that posted I will get more on here ASAP with pictures and videos. We took Makayla to the circus and I have some great footage which I'd like to post.

________________________

Thank you, Lord, for this day and for the blessings you have bestowed upon us. Please continue to help us get through each day with praise and honor to You. Please help us keep Your love in the center of our hearts when we are facing difficult interactions with our friends and family. In Your name we pray. Amen.

Birthday party

2009-10-18T12:33:00.003-05:00

Allison hosted a birthday party for Greg and Brittany and we had great food, a wine tasting game and then everyone went downtown to the Elephant Room for some Jazz music. Matthew and I gave Brittany a gift certificate to B&N and some cool Moleskin books to write in. We had ordered Greg's gift but it hadn't come in yet and we gave it to him later. We decided to give him Life of Christ by Bishop Sheen because we both loved it so much we wanted to share it with him. Lots of people showed up as you can see.

Here we are waiting patiently between the different wines to try.

Allison made a pumpkin spice cake and we had tea candles for them to blow out. I'm not sure what Greg is doing in this picture, I believe I said to pretend to blow them out and he decided to bow to the cake!
Here they are opening gifts!

It was a wonderful evening with good friends. Matthew and I were too tired to go downtown and we were getting up early to go to Mass the next morning, so we said goodbye to everyone and headed over to my place to spend some quiet time together.

The Angelus

2009-09-23T16:30:00.002-05:00

I know, I know. I am behind on posting and I have so much to post! I have so many pictures and videos that I want to put up. I will get to is as soon as I finish all those other tasks that always seem to be urgent and important.

But, I wanted to post about a prayer that I was just reading about and find glorious. I hope to add this to my day as much as I can.

The Angelus was originally prayed at night but over the years two other times were added. It is traditionally prayed at 6am, noon and 6pm. Maybe this will help me get up at 6am!

The Prayer:

The Angel of the Lord declared to Mary:

And she conceived of the Holy Spirit.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee; blessed art thou among women and blessed is the fruit of your womb. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen.

Behold the handmaid of the Lord: Be it done unto me according to Thy word.

Hail Mary...

And the Word was made Flesh: And dwelt among us.

Hail Mary...

Pray for us, O Holy Mother of God, that we may be made worth of the promises of Christ.

Let us Pray:

Pour forth, we beseech Thee, O Lord, Thy grace into our hearts; that we, to whom the incarnation of Christ, Thy Son, was made known by the message of an angel, may by His Passion and Cross be brought to glory of His Resurrection, through the same Christ Our Lord.

Amen.

May God bless those who are near and dear to you and to me. :)

Padre Pio, Pray for us!

2009-09-23T14:42:00.003-05:00

Today is the feast day of Padre Pio

I love to read about Padre Pio since he is such an amazing modern day saint. I am very intrigued by the idea of stigmata and I love and admire those who have suffered as Christ has suffered with the same wounds. This is one of the rare forms of miracles that we visually see and he was living his miracle day after day! He truly loves God's people and new how to shepherd his flock.

I found the following written by Padre Pio in my Magnificat today:

Proclaiming the Kingdom

I beseech you, then, by the meekness of Jesus and by the bowels of mercy of the heavenly Father, never to slacken on the path of virtue. Keep on running and don't ever make up your mind to stop, for you know that to stand still on this path is equivalent to retracing one's steps. Don't ever disregard my suggestion and, for pity's sake, don't render fruitless and don't neglect the grace which was bestowed on you at baptism and has been increased in great measure by means of the other sacraments.

Be watchful, I tell you, and never place too much trust in yourself or count excessively on your own strength. Try to advance more and more on the way to perfection and practice charity more and more, for charity is the bond of Christian perfection. Throw yourself confidently into the arms of the heavenly Father with childlike trust and open wide your heart to the charism of the Holy Spirit who is only waiting for a sign from you in order to enrich you.

Yes, let us do good. Now is the time for sowing, and if we want to reap an abundant harvest it is not so necessary to sow a lot of seed as to scatter it in good ground. We have already sown a lot of seed, bit counts for very little if we want to be gladdened at harvest time. Let us sow now and continue to sow, my dear, and let nothing grieve us on this account. Let us make sure that this seed falls in good soil and when the heat arrives to burst it open and bring forth a plant, we must still be on the watch and take good care that the weeds do not smother the young plants.

Wow, to me this is a very powerful meditation. It makes me wonder if I am following the right path. I hope so because this path has brought me closer to the Truth and to better relationships with family. It has spawned fruitful and spiritually fulfilling relationships with new friends. The friendships I have made these past three years have shown me that there are more people out there who dedicate their lives to their faith and will pray for me unceasingly when I ask. These friends are very dear to my heart and in my prayers for them daily I realize that I never have prayed so fervently in my life before.

I also would never have found Matthew if I hadn't decided to uproot myself at Yale and move to Austin to pursue my degree in a different university. I came here for my faith and for my career. Now I realize more and more I came here for my faith. Which makes me scared about my career as it has lost some of its importance to me. I am going to continue sowing seeds and I pray that I am working towards God's will, not my own.

Many blessings to you all on this special day!

New Nicene Creed

2009-09-02T15:40:00.002-05:00

I am very excited to hear that our English translation of the Liturgy is changing and St. Louis will welcome the change in Advent 2010. The following will be our new Nicene Creed:

I believe in on God,

the Father almighty,

maker of heaven and earth,

of all things visible and invisible.

And in one Lord Jesus Christ,

the Only Begotten Son of God,

born of the Father before all ages.

God from God, Light from Light,

true God from true God,

begotten, not made, consubstantial with the Father;

through him all things were made.

For us men and for our salvation,

he came down from heaven,

and by the Holy Spirit was incarnate

of the Virgin Mary,

and became man.

For our sake he was crucified under Pontius Pilate,

he suffered death and was buried,

and rose again on the third day

in accordance with the Scriptures.

He ascended to heaven

and is seated at the right hand of the Father.

He will come again in glory,

to judge the living and the dead

and his kingdom will have no end.

And in the Holy Spirit, the Lord, giver of life,

who proceeds from the Father and the Son,

who with the Father and the Son is adored and glorified,

who has spoken through the prophets.

And one, holy, catholic and apostolic Church.

I confess one baptism for the forgiveness of sins

and I look forward to the resurrection of the dead

and the life of the world to come. Amen.

You can find information on the new Roman Missal at the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops website: http://www.usccb.org/romanmissal/

Prayer:

Lord, thank you for the many blessings you have given me. Help me to continue following you and to rejoice in the new translation with my brothers and sisters. Please may the transition go smoothly next year.

I got someone banned...

2009-06-17T16:29:00.004-05:00

So, as usual I was reading all the posts on Father Z's blog and I was reading the comments on an article that I had read when I came across someone's posting of:

"Women and theology do not mix -- just like women and liturgy..."

Oh, I was shocked. Not furious. Not hurt. Just shocked. Really? I mean, really? Was that statement necessary? Just because a person wrote a terrible thing about the pope and her opinion means that the rest of women should be scorned? Didn't Mary by her Immaculate Conception, birth of Christ and Assumption redeem women from the fallen Eve?

So I posted my own comment about this statement and I said the following:

"Do we really need to say that with such derogatory implications? I don't see how I can read that and interpret it without thinking that some of these feminist women have a point. There are men out there who just don't have respect for women. If the author was a man, I think we should be just as upset and frustrated with the article. So the fact that a woman wrote it is moot.

Don't get me wrong, I don't want women to be priests or have the right to be ordained at all. I just think that women have a specific realm to be loved and appreciated and a statement like that takes away from a woman's right to her realm. It leaves her looking inferior and uneducated.

We love Mary the Mother of God, right? Is she not part of the liturgy? Is not the Bride of Christ the Church? From Bishop Sheen's Three to Get Married, "In the words of the papal encyclical on marriage: '...For if the man is the head, the woman is the heart, and as he occupies the chief place in ruling, so she may and ought to claim for herself the chief place in love."' We cannot have liturgy without love. So my point, women are part of the liturgy just not in the same way.

Can my boyfriend and I not read theology together and grow in strength of faith together by doing so? Or should he read it by himself and indulge me sometimes with how smart he is? How am I supposed to teach my children about the Faith if I don't spend the time to understand it myself?

I don't mean to jump off the deep end about this but there are many women who love this forum and don't deserve comments like that. If I interpreted that comment incorrectly, then please, by all means, let me know how I should have took it."

I wasn't sure if I should have posted such a comment but when I thought about it I believed that not saying anything was showing acceptance. Thus, I was compelled to write.

Anyway after my post, a few women said they agreed with me. That made me feel better about having wrote it. It certainly served a purpose.

Father Z was busy today with a conference but he stopped by his blog in the afternoon and made the following comment: "NOTA BENE: Since I am short on time I banned XXXXX. My advice is therefore DNFTT. Ignore that rabbit hole. It is faster for me to ban people than to clean up the messes they leave on the floor of my livingroom."

HAHAHAHAHAH!!! I was totally surprised that he would ban someone without a warning. I actually felt bad about what happened but then I realized that what I said was true and several people agreed with me so Father Z didn't want someone writing things like that on his blog. I actually was afraid of receiving a reprimand myself for my own comment since it wasn't relevant to his original post.

I suppose you can label me a troublemaker.

Mary and PJPII Encyclicals

2009-06-11T16:19:00.004-05:00

I found another blog today that I can appreciate. I originally discovered it by reading a post at Father Z's site. The author has my name and linked to Lauren's name is her blog, Cnytr. I found this image as one of her posts with an extraordinary comment that I felt compelled to borrow and post for my own cataloging.

This image is from a 1957 breviary and the comment is: Mariology in a graphic form: Not shining in glory of her own, but reflecting that of Christ. I think the statement is beautiful and accurately depicts how I feel about our Holy Mother and how it should be easy to understand why we love her and give her so much reverence.

My father asked me to read Pope John Paul II's apostolic letter Rosarium Virginis Mariae to the bishops, clergy and faithful on the most holy rosary. I have read it and found richness to it. I am encouraging you to print it off and read it as well. My father has a special love of the rosary and everything Marian in nature. When I was young we visited the Holy Spirit Center in Norwood, Ohio (a suburb of Cincinnati) on August 31, 1999 to see the last appearance of Mary. There were hundreds of people there and it was very prayerful and exciting. At midnight a series of beautiful lights played over the grounds signifying that she was present. I'm sure that as a teenager I was skeptical and I didn't talk much about it to my father but looking back on it I am happy that he wanted to go and that he wanted me to go with him. I remember going inside the church and studying a statue of Mary. This statue was amazing! It looked like a real person was standing before me. I have never forgotten that moment. So was someone playing lights to make people believe? I don't know. Nor do I care. I'd rather believe it was truly Mary's presence. I am skeptical of people, not of God.

And, he recently sent me a link to John Paul the Great's encyclical letter on the Eucharist and its relationship to the Church. I haven't read it yet but I imagine it will be more than worthwhile.

Prayer:

Dear Lord, thank You for the many blessings in my life, Father Zuhlsdorf, the writings of Pope John Paul II, and my father's love of the Blessed Mother. I have several major role models and people of great influence in my life who I am blessed to know. Thank You for their presence, I don't know where I'd be without them. In Your name, I pray, Glory to the Father...

Review of my parents visit

2009-06-02T11:17:00.017-05:00

Seven days goes by really fast when you don't want them to...

My parents arrived in the afternoon of Wednesday, April 15th (wow, was that really six weeks ago?). I took them home and we made a lovely dinner of crusted tilapia, salad and basmati rice before then going to Liturgy of the Hours at St. Louis with Deacon Rob. They were last here in March 2007 and saw the chapel right after it was opened. Many changes have been made so they really enjoyed seeing it again. Also the main congregation room is being renovated at St. Louis so we got a peek to see what to expect the coming Sunday.

My dad has gout and was inflamed in his thumb so the idea of taking them downtown Wednesday was just not a good idea. We instead made a doctors appointment for Thursday morning.

So Thursday, we took Dad to the doctor and picked up a new prescription for him. For dinner we picked up Matthew on campus and attempted to go to Shady Grove but they had a music venue so we wound up at Chuy's. I find that hilarious because the one up north is a favorite haunt of Matthew's family... So they met him for the first time after hearing about him for a few weeks. The evening went smoothly as I expected it to. My parents are quite friendly and I knew they would like Matthew.

On Friday it rained so Mom and I ran between droplets and ran some errands. We picked up some things for the kitchen and around the apartment that I had been meaning to get. It was fun! Oh yeah, I had a dentist appointment in the morning. Nothing much to report there, I take pretty good care of my teeth. Mom and I went to the grocery store and proceeded to make chicken and beef teriyaki kabobs and grilled them for a delicious meal.

Saturday was another rainy day of errands. My mom helped me take the recycling down. I wanted her to see that it really isn't that hard to do and I wanted her to experience the sorting. I always wanted to recycle when I was a kid and my parents were very much against it. They thought it was a waste of time and they didn't want to make space in our home or garage to organize it. Later that day we took some stuff to the salvation army. Dad's new medicine wasn't helping his gout so we called his doctor at home and he called in a new prescription that we then picked up for him. Poor Dad, he says if this is the worst he ever is in his old age then he will be happy. I'm of the mind of, well, you still have several years to go, it could get worse... Mom and I spent the day baking and I made pizza dough. Matthew came over and we made pizza and prayed the scriptural rosary. It was a lovely evening to sit outside on my porch and eat and pray together. For me, homemade pizza and a beer is heaven. Greg had a movie party and we went over there later to see everyone for a bit. My parents go to bed early so they didn't care if I left for awhile.

Mass on Sunday was really nice and I was happy to see that Father Larry was giving the homily. It would be just my luck that the one Sunday my parents are in town that they wouldn't get to hear Father Larry's homily but I wasn't that unfortunate. The Gretencords were at Mass and afterwards I was able to hug on the kids and my parents met Sharon, Therese and Fulton. I like it when they can put names to faces because I talk about a few people who are important to me and all they can say is, "uh-huh" and try to understand. We had brunch with Matthew's parents at Kneaded Pleasures and Matthew and I were both quite pleased with how well everyone got along. My parents had a fabulous time and there was no end of conversation. Matthew told me several times that his parents had a great time as well. I don't think it could have been better. Unfortunately, we couldn't sit and talk forever because Sunday was the one day I took my parents to Becker Vineyards for wine tasting and it was about an hour and a half away so we needed to get going so we could spend some time before they closed in the afternoon.

Becker had changed a bit since I was last there and the changes were quite lovely. They now have an indoor wine tasting bar and the room is just beautiful. Before, that room was storage for their barrels. We took a tour and tasted quite a few samples. Joyce kept getting free samples and Dad and I wound up using the rest of her drink tickets! Her favorite was the port and Dad and I enjoyed several reds. I can't wait to go to Becker again, the atmosphere and the wine is exquisite. Outside of the main building the layout of Becker is quite nice, they are a mile away from the main road and driving past the grape vines really makes you feel like you are going to some place authentic. They also have bountiful harvests of lavender and the fields are just vibrantly beautiful. After such a fun-filled day my parents were exhausted and I went to Matthew's to see him since we were used to seeing each other every day and it was weird for me to not see him while my parents were visiting.

So during the weekdays my dad was sitting on the computer watching the stock market and Joyce and I were left to do what we wanted. We had a lovely breakfast and took our time getting ready to go out. I took her to the botanical gardens and we walked around for a couple of hours. Mom is in a garden club so she is quite knowledgeable about everything we saw. It was really neat because so many of the flowers were in bloom, especially the rose garden and the aromas were amazing. I took her to campus to buy some earrings and then we went to the lab to print out her boarding passes for their trip home.

I don't recall when we got back but it was either to just sit and talk for a bit before dinner or I took a nap. Matthew and Nicole joined us at Quality Seafood for dinner and it was fabulous! We went there two years ago when they were in town it is one of their favorite places so I was happy to take them there again. The seafood is quite delicious and the place had been renovated. On Mondays they have a small band come in and we enjoyed listening to swing music while a few people danced. The music wasn't so loud that we couldn't talk. It turned out to be a perfect evening.

After dinner we drove down to the Congress Bridge to see the bats come out. Matthew seemed reluctant to go but once we got up on the bridge and the bats came out he was really impressed and everyone had a wonderful time. I took a video, I hope I can post it here.

On Tuesday my parents packed up their things and I took them to the airport. It was a teary goodbye and I miss them immensely. I drove away thinking, "they left me here" and it took me a few hours to come to the realization that I actually left them and that it is up to me to fix my own heart in that matter. It is nice knowing that so many people love me and want me near them and I choose to ignore the tugs they do on my heartstrings because when I do pay attention to it, it makes me really sad.

I'm very happy that Matthew and I love each other's parents so much. It makes the whole relationship a lot smoother. After my one sister had (and still has) so many problems with her in-laws that was always one of my biggest worries for myself. I want peace and love. Trying to meet so many people's expectations is very difficult and if my in-laws didn't like me from the start it would be very hard on my future.

Prayer:

Lord, thank You for the gift of having wonderful parents and allowing me through my own struggles in growing up to overcome hurt and anger to see how much they truly love me and want only the best for me. Many people never overcome that and I am grateful I can appreciate my parents for who they are and what they are to each other.

Good News

2009-05-29T10:03:00.005-05:00

Father Z puts up a post asking people to post their good news for that day. It is really nice to read what other people are celebrating whether it be an engagement, a pregnancy, a call to the priesthood or something simple like their child told them, "I love you" this morning. It is very endearing. It is something that I'd like to put up every now and then as well. Just something for me to look back on and smile.

Matthew and I were asked to bring up the gifts on Saturday and Sunday morning and we've never been asked before.

May 25 was the ordination anniversary for both Father Zuhlsdorf and Father Corapi.

Going to see Sharon, Adam, Therese, Fulton and Gianna today!

Gales of laughter during the scriptural rosary with Matthew was special. Jesus has a sense of humor, right?

I sent presents to my nieces and nephews just for fun.

My sister, Melissa, and I discussed her single young adult life (I was very young at that time) and I got to know her even better because of it.

Paramount Summer Film Series

2009-05-28T11:44:00.005-05:00

Matthew and I are going to be attending many of the old classic films that the Paramount is playing this summer. We missed the first opening shows of Casablanca and From Here to Eternity, damn. But now we have the schedule and are aware.

Last night we saw American Madness and It Happened One Night. Both 1930's movies directed by Frank R. Capra. Our friend, Sam, joined us for the first movie.

American Madness (1932)

The plot was very good and the movie was extremely entertaining. I used to shudder at the idea of watching black and white movies and now I found it quite charming. Less of a distraction if I am thinking about how obnoxious the color of some guy's suit is, etc. I loved the clothes the men and women wore, except for Phyllis Dickinson's (Kay Johnson) mink coat. That was gross, the feet and heads of the minks were still attached, ugh!

Set during the Great Depression Tom Dickinson (Walter Huston) has to save his bank without losing his values and integrity. He battles time, his wife's desire for more attention, his love of the American worker and the board of directors' desires. Walter Huston was amazing in his role, truly made the movie what it was. Any other actor wouldn't have done it for me.

Compliments:

The acting was fabulous. I loved it when the inspector appeared on the scene, he was amusing. The scenes with the board of directors was hilarious. The scene of Matt confronting Cluett at his home was intense and exciting. I enjoyed many of the side scenes for their amusement or for the emotions they provoked.

Complaints:

I don't believe the interaction of Mrs. Dickinson's disappointment with her husband was portrayed very well. This was written and directed by men, I doubt a woman was consulted. I think it was obvious that Cluett was not straight so was it supposed to be funny when he hit on Mrs. Dickinson or was he just not as good as an actor? The black shoe-shiner scene was ridiculous. If you are just going to make fun of black people then why have them in the movie at all? The loose ends were tied up rather quickly and that made me raise an eyebrow. Oh, and what happened with the ten dollars that Matt kept asking to borrow so his girlfriend wouldn't find out?

It Happened One Night (1934) Romantic Comedy

This was my first Clark Gable film and I love him immensely! His voice and mannerisms were extremely well done and in this type of movie the two main actors had to be strong in order for it to be pulled off. Gable played Peter Warne who's strong opinions, moodiness and ready for action clearly made the movie hilarious and dramatic. He played a reporter who was a gentleman and was honorable to the last principle. He took care of the young runaway, made sure she was safe, warm and fed and was selfless in his own actions. He sold some of his things to help her and while doing so totally fell for her. One of my favorite parts was how he handed her a pair of his pajamas and hung up a rope to throw a blanket over it so they could feel at ease to sleep each night.

Claudette Colbert played the young runaway, Ellen Andrews with just as much hilarity as Gable. However she came off as very young when in the beginning she stated she was 21. I felt that she was portrayed as too helpless with a stubborn streak. If she really had that stubborn streak, she wouldn't have been so helpless. It was a cute theme and probably made a bunch of men want girls like that. I wish I could be a girl like that but the real fear of it all is that there aren't many men like Warne who would truly be selfless and take care of a woman in that way out there anymore. Thus, women have grown to feel like they need to be independent and fend for themselves. So when a man tries to be selfless a woman becomes confused and usually strikes out at the man in her fear and confusion causing him to feel rejection and then he does leave the woman to her own devices. This leaves the woman to feel like she is right to try to maintain independence. It is a tangled web we weave.

Anyway, I was not expecting to see such a great romantic comedy coming from 1934! It was hilarious and captivating. I actually think that no other romantic comedy compares (please challenge this if you have another movie to suggest). As annoying as a helpless woman can be, the movie was hilarious and very logical in the events that occurred.

This was the first film to win all five academy awards (Best Picture, Actor, Actress, Director and Screenplay). The only two to win the same five awards since was One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (1975) and Silence of the Lambs (1991).

Compliments:

Casting done well. I heard that Gable was "loaned" to this set because he was being paid by his station for doing nothing so they sent him over. The scenes of people riding on the bus or Peter and Ellen in the car were hilarious. I really enjoyed all of the problems they faced as they tried to get to New York undetected.

Complaints:

In addition to what I said above would have to include another ridiculous scene with the black man with a bell. *shakes head*

I thought I'd include a snippet of what we saw. I hope to see it again sometime, it was really delightful, we left the theater and walked back to the car very happy. I usually leave a movie totally bogged down by special effects, too many subplots and scenes which I am drained from having experienced the movie. I'd have to say that last night was wonderful, refreshing and light.

Solemnities, feast, memorials and ferias

2009-05-27T16:41:00.005-05:00

I have participated in these festival days and whatnot all of my life and had a subconscious idea of the complexity of it all. Recently I have become more aware of my desire to know about where these days come from and why they are defined and depicted in certain ways. I really am getting more interested in the details! Father Z had posted that everyone should know immediately the difference between a feria and a feast day. I had no idea what feria meant and a kind Father Z-follower, Henry Edwards, was able to help me out!

"Apart from Sundays, the "festival days" of the Church calendar are divided--in decreasing order of dignity--into solemnities, feasts and memorials.

There are 14 solemnities, including Christmas, Easter, Pentecost, and the various holy days of obligation. The feast days give special honor to special events and saints, for instance. Memorials generally mark "lesser" saints; some are prescribed and some are optional.

Below these three are ferial, or week days, days with no special ritual rank; optional memorials may be observed on these days.

The solemnities, feast days, memorials, and ferias of the post Vatican II calendar correspond generally to the days of classes 1, 2, 3, and 4 of the 1962 calendar."

Note: I didn't find Easter as one of the solemnities on the Roman calendars I looked at. *raises eyebrow* weird.

From another blogger:

"Continuing Henry Edwards' summary, you might also hear about Simples, Semi-Doubles, and Doubles. These were former names for what we now call Solemnities, Feasts, etc. They were simplified in 1954, and eventually transferred to the rather clunky and mid-20th century "First Class," "Second Class," etc.

One of the (many imho) improvements of the 1969 calendar is giving nice names to these former Soviet-sounding rankings."

So, the fourteen solemnities are:

January 1 Mary, Mother of God

January 6 Epiphany

March 19 Joseph, husband of Mary

March 25 Annunciation

Easter

Ascension

Pentecost

1st Sun after Pentecost Holy Trinity

The following Sun Corpus Christi

Fri following the 2nd Sun after Pentecost Sacred Heart

June 24 Birth of John the Baptist

June 29 Apostles Peter and Paul

August 15 Assumption

November 1 All Saints

Last Sun in Ord Time Christ the King

December 8 Immaculate Conception

December 25 Christmas

So you might read this and then count and come up with 17, not 14! Do I have an answer for that? Um, no. I can't find anything consistent about the "14" solemnities. So we may have 17 and people can't count. If you look at LOTH they do not include Easter and Pentecost and thus they have 14. However, I have read on several blogs and reputable sites that Easter and Pentecost are important solemnities. Huh? Okay, well then I'll add them to my list of "14" making it 16 and I've read somewhere that the Ascension is also a solemnity and now I have 17. I'll ask a priest about it and see what he says.

Follow-up statement from Henry Edwards:

"In The Modern Catholic Dictionary (ed. Father John Hardon), the correct statement appears to be that, "-besides the moveable feasts such as Easter and Pentecost, 14 solemnities are celebrated in the universal Church, namely..."

The 14 listed are those in your list besides Easter and Pentecost, which are certainly regarded as solemnities, Easter being sometimes referred to as "the solemnity of solemnities". Moreover the additional "movable feast" of the Ascension is also included as a solemnity on the calendars I've checked.

In which case there are actually 17 solemnities on the calendar. But with the compilation that the whole 8-day octave of Easter is thereby counted as a single solemnity. Thus it appears there are actually 24 (out of 365) calendar days that are celebrated as solemnities."

Whew! Did I ever really get an answer? No, but I do have a better understanding of our liturgical calendar and I am sure more things will pop up in my research.

I've got a soul, but I'm not a soldier...

2009-05-26T12:44:00.002-05:00

Do you pray the rosary?

If you don't, why not? If you don't because you don't have enough time or you don't think to do it, then you need to ponder whether that is really a good reason. This is a really inspiring video that my dad sent to me (knowing that I'd love it, he's so cute!) and I want to share it with you. It really made me feel wonderful when I got to the end and I hope you feel that too!

I am trying to pray the rosary more, I'm not perfect but I am working on fixing my mistakes. My parents pray the scriptural rosary every evening together and when I am at home and when they are with me we pray it together and it is beautiful.

The scriptural rosary (Catholic Arts and Gifts has it as well) is fabulous because it forces you to think about each mystery as you are praying and thwarts your minds efforts to wander. I tend to think about three things at once and it frustrates me when I lose sight of my prayer when praying the rosary. I feel like I am letting Mary down. Jesus asked his disciples to stay awake for just one hour, can I not focus for twenty minutes?

I remember when my dad first started praying the rosary daily. He would go upstairs and pray aloud while my mother sat downstairs and listened to him. It took her a long time and many times of him asking her if she would like to do it before she decided to join him. I think it is beautiful that they pray together and I am thankful that they are setting an example for me. They may be discovering things later in life than would be desirable but they got there. I am recalling the story in Matthew, chapter 20 where the landowner pays everyone the same wages even if they came later in the day and only worked one hour. My Matthew (not the gospel writer) and I spoke about this story just the other day. He made the point that it doesn't seem fair for that type of conditions on earth but Jesus was talking about the conditions in heaven. God determines what is fair. It doesn't matter when we get there but that we get there. I am thankful that I am there now with Matthew but I am full of joy that my parents are there now for themselves. They might have some sadness that they didn't do this before but everyone's journey is different and theirs took more time than maybe some others.

Prayer:

Lord God, thank You for our most holy Mother and for the gift of the rosary that she gave us to pray to her and ask for her intercessions. Help us to continue to pray to her and remain focused on our devotions. Thank You, Lord, for the loving parents that both Matthew and I have and help me to always remember to not lose my patience with my parents and to love them like they deserved to be loved. I ask for the courage to ask my friends and loved ones to pray with me, rather than keeping my prayers to myself for it can only enrich my faith. Bless our loved ones with your presence and keep them safe. Amen.

Imagine

2009-05-19T13:42:00.000-05:00

I know I've posted a few videos lately but they are all so good! Here is another one that I was just made aware is going to be a commercial to air during the season finale of American Idol:

Cool, huh? I mentally insert pictures of Matthew, Sarika (my niece), Taryn (my cousin) and my friend, Lesley, in there.

So even today when I am feeling sad there are things going on in the rest of the world which are uplifting. Knowing that can make it better, if only a little.

What's my line?

2009-05-16T11:17:00.000-05:00

Archbishop Fulton Sheen on a game show! How cool! Who can we say is a man today who is similar to Sheen? I wish I knew.

Indulgences

2009-05-14T08:53:00.000-05:00

I'm not exactly familiar with indulgences or at least I've never experienced one. However, Father Z posted an announced Indulgences for the Year of Priests. He posted it in Latin and I have an english translation:

URBIS ET ORBIS
D E C R E T U M
[Indulgences for the Priestly Year,
from June 19 2009 to June 19, 2010]
...

A. - To the truly penitent priests who, in any day, pray at least the morning Lauds or Vespers before the Most Holy Sacrament, exposed in public Adoration or in the Tabernacle, and, following the example of Saint John Mary Vianney, offer themselves with prompt and generous will in the celebration of the Sacraments, above all of Confession, a Plenary Indulgence is mercifully granted in God, which they may also apply to their deceased brothers in suffrage if, in conformity with the current norms, they go to sacramental confession and Eucharist, and pray for the intentions of the Supreme Pontiff.

A partial Indulgence is also granted to the priests, also applicable to their deceased brothers, every time they devoutly pray duly approved prayers to lead a holy life and to fulfill in a holy manner the duties assigned to them.

B.- To all the penitent faithful who, in a Church or Oratory, devoutly assist at the Divine Sacrifice of the Mass and offer prayers to Jesus Christ, Supreme and Eternal Priest, for the priests of the Church, as well as any good work accomplished in that day, so that He may sanctify them and conform them to His Heart, is granted a Plenary Indulgence, if they have sanctified their own sins in sacramental penance and raised prayers for the intention of the Supreme Pontiff: on the days in which the Priestly Year is opened and closed, on the day of the 150th anniversary of the pious death of Saint John Mary Vianney, on the first Thursday of every month, or on any other day established by the Ordinary of the place for the use of the faithful. ...

To the aged, the infirm, and all those who, for legitimate reason, cannot leave their house, with the rejection of every sin and the intention of fulfilling, as soon as possible, the three conditions, will also be granted in their own house, or wherever their condition retains them, a plenary indulgence if, on the aforementioned days, they recite prayers for the sanctification of priests and offer the infirmities and discomforts of their lives faithfully to God through Mary, Queen of the Apostles.

Partial indulgence is also granted to all the faithful every time they devoutly recite five times the Our Father, the Hail Mary, and the Glory be, or other appropriately approved prayer, in honor of the Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, to obtain that the priests may keep themselves in purity and sanctity of life.

Pretty cool, huh? I've already marked my calendar for June 19th (2009, 2010) and August 4th is the anniversary death of St. John Mary Vianney. I plan on going to daily Mass on these days as well as the first Thursday of the months in that year. Couldn't hurt, right?

So, I looked up what is an indulgence, plenary indulgence and a partial indulgence. The definition includes what it is as well as what it is not. I will post part of what I found, it is quite an in-depth explanation (well worth reading as it gives precise directions and history!).

To facilitate explanation, it may be well to state what an indulgence is not. It is not a permission to commit sin, nor a pardon of future sin; neither could be granted by any power. It is not the forgiveness of the guilt of sin; it supposes that the sin has already been forgiven. It is not an exemption from any law or duty, and much less from the obligation consequent on certain kinds of sin, e.g., restitution; on the contrary, it means a more complete payment of the debt which the sinner owes to God. It does not confer immunity from temptation or remove the possibility of subsequent lapses into sin. Least of all is an indulgence the purchase of a pardon which secures the buyer's salvation or releases the soul of another from Purgatory. The absurdity of such notions must be obvious to any one who forms a correct idea of what the Catholic Church really teaches on this subject.

An indulgence is the extra-sacramental remission of the temporal punishment due, in God's justice, to sin that has been forgiven, which remission is granted by the Church in the exercise of the power of the keys, through the application of the superabundant merits of Christ and of the saints, and for some just and reasonable motive.

An indulgence is valid both in the tribunal of the Church and in the tribunal of God. This means that it not only releases the penitent from his indebtedness to the Church or from the obligation of performing canonical penance, but also from the temporal punishment which he has incurred in the sight of God and which, without the indulgence, he would have to undergo in order to satisfy Divine justice. This, however, does not imply that the Church pretends to set aside the claim of God's justice or that she allows the sinner to repudiate his debt. As St. Thomas says (Supplement.25.1 ad 2um), "He who gains indulgences is not thereby released outright from what he owes as penalty, but is provided with the means of paying it." The Church therefore neither leaves the penitent helplessly in debt nor acquits him of all further accounting; she enables him to meet his obligations.

An indulgence that may be gained in any part of the world is universal, while one that can be gained only in a specified place (Rome, Jerusalem, etc.) is local. A further distinction is that between perpetual indulgences, which may be gained at any time, and temporary, which are available on certain days only, or within certain periods. Real indulgences are attached to the use of certain objects (crucifix, rosary, medal); personal are those which do not require the use of any such material thing, or which are granted only to a certain class of individuals e.g. members of an order or confraternity. The most important distinction, however, is that between plenary indulgences and partial. By a plenary indulgence is meant the remission of the entire temporal punishment due to sin so that no further expiation is required in Purgatory. A partial indulgence commutes only a certain portion of the penalty; and this portion is determined in accordance with the penitential discipline of the early Church. To say that an indulgence of so many days or years is granted means that it cancels an amount of purgatorial punishment equivalent to that which would have been remitted, in the sight of God, by the performance of so many days or years of the ancient canonical penance. Here, evidently, the reckoning makes no claim to absolute exactness; it has only a relative value.

God alone knows what penalty remains to be paid and what its precise amount is in severity and duration. Finally, some indulgences are granted in behalf of the living only, while others may be applied in behalf of the souls departed. It should be noted, however, that the application has not the same significance in both cases. The Church in granting an indulgence to the living exercises her jurisdiction; over the dead she has no jurisdiction and therefore makes the indulgence available for them by way of suffrage (per modum suffragii), i.e. she petitions God to accept these works of satisfaction and in consideration thereof to mitigate or shorten the sufferings of the souls in Purgatory.

Our Lady of Fatima

2009-05-13T13:53:00.001-05:00

Happy feast day of Our Lady of Fatima!

I am excited to have found a video of Archbishop Fulton Sheen giving a lecture about the miracle of the sun! There are three parts, see below:

I didn't know much about the archbishop before but I have been doing some research. I am especially fond of a three-year-old named after him and that has prompted me to want to know more about his namesake. Sheen apparently led an amazing life and is author of 73 books. I am going to look into buying a few of those and to look into more videos of his television show Life is Worth Living (1951-57) and The Fulton Sheen Program (1961-68).

Blessed be God forever.

"I am the vine, you are the branches"

2009-05-12T12:43:00.000-05:00

The homily this past Sunday was fabulous. Father Larry spoke about the community of faith and how 15,000 people call St. Louis their church home. We don't see them very often and if they do attend Mass regularly that is all they do. The Gospel that Sunday was Jesus saying He is the vine and we are the branches and there will be lots of pruning. So which branch are you on? Is it withering or blooming? Have you looked around lately and noticed?

Father was saying that everyone expects things to get done around St. Louis but they don't put any effort to help with those things. Someone else will do it, I suppose. And, yes, it does get done but, oh, we could be doing so much more! Those who understand the community of faith are the ones who are always there and always doing those things. They'd welcome the help! I personally don't consider the things that are going on at the parish as "work". It is the best time for love and fellowship. To nurture friendships and create new ones. To ask people to pray for me when I need it and to find out who I need to pray for and why.

People just don't understand what the community of faith is and how important it should be in your life. I have heard so many people make comments like, "that just doesn't interest me." Really? It doesn't interest you to know the people that you go to church with? It doesn't interest you to consume the Eucharist with people you know and love rather than with strangers? Or, you have so much going on in your life that you can't get to know the people that you (supposedly) share your faith with? If you are doing any sort of volunteer work it should be first and foremost happening at your parish. For people that don't want to be involved I have trouble not wondering if they really have faith or know what faith really is.

I don't know if I can explain how fulfilling it is to be part of a parish community. To share warm smiles and loving hugs. To ask someone how they are doing and genuinely care about the answer. To know when I walk in those doors that those people care about me as well. To know I will get married among friends, be involved with the development of my parish community, and bring my children from infancy to adulthood among these parish people is exactly what I am called to do. It is exactly what I dream of doing. It is enriching, exciting, loving and I know that I will cherish every moment of it now and will continue to do so.

Church is not meant to be run into Sunday morning, run out of after Mass and not thought about again until next week.

St. Louis in general has so much going on that I have to make myself set other things in the priority list and cut back on involvement. I am counting on my time coming later when I am no longer in school. I appreciate all the wonderful activities, adult education, childhood development, spiritual programs, prayer and devotional times for worship that are implemented for us to do as a community of faith. I wish I was more involved, that I could help out with planning and organizing. For right now, all I can do is participate and be a part of the attendance.

Father Larry spoke about how St. Louis is the largest church of any denomination in three counties. People still have never heard of St. Louis nor know where it is! He said we should be on the front page of the Statesman every day with some great work of charity. It was inspiring and makes me glad that I am at least putting in as much time and effort as I can in the parish. I hope some people were listening on Sunday and didn't brush him off. He meant what he said.

Prayer:

Lord, help me to inspire those around me to be a more active part of their parish community. Thank You for the fire You have lit in me with my own faith and parish involvement. Thank You for my parents loving attitude and their parish dedication which was instilled in me. Thank You for my sisters who also are active in their parish communities. Thank You for the wonderful, loving followers of You that I have met at St. Louis over the last three years. And, thank You for Matthew, who with me, makes each parish event more meaningful and allows me to grow closer to You.

Lord, please bless Your expectant mothers with healthy pregnancies and healthy babies. In Your name, I pray, Our Father...

Makayla

2009-05-12T11:21:00.000-05:00

I had the most wonderful weekend with Matthew's family. We had Makayla for a day and I was so excited to get to know her. I could use the practice of patience, love, and understanding. I always worry that I won't have the patience that I need with my own kids. I would love to see Makayla more and we won't be in Austin forever. I guess I think too much about how my own nieces and nephews have changed so much over the years and I have missed out on so many things. I don't want to miss out on Makayla's life either. My absence at home is apparent and my family forgives me for it but that doesn't change the fact that I am not there. I work hard at not feeling guilty and they in turn try not to cause guilt.

Anyway, Sarah was out of town and so Makayla was spending time with Matthew's parents and with us. We took her to the Children's Museum with Nicole, Michael and Shannon Carter and her four lovely children. It was great that Shannon's oldest, Shae, is seven and so she and Makayla got along splendidly. I only imagine having someone your age to play with is better than two adults!

There was a great kitchen where we could sit at the window and order food. Shae and Makayla were so cute!

There was a weird place where the kids were learning about how milk is taken from a cow, transported and bottled. I don't think anyone really cared about the process. The cool part was a transport system for milk bottles that was set up with an air flow. A bottle was put in the tube and was shot up to the ceiling, looped around and came out in a station to be collected. The kids loved putting the bottles in the chute and Makayla was really good at it!

My least favorite part was the Mexican-inspired area. It was ridiculous. There could have been a really cool exhibit about Egyptians or Australia or Vikings or I can imagine several other neat things that children would have enjoyed.... But, we are in Texas and many kids have a hispanic heritage so they need to learn about it at the children's museum. Maybe that comes off mean and I don't want to insult anyone with a hispanic background. I just feel it isn't necessary at the museum. They should be learning a hispanic culture but at a museum there are so many cultures they could be learning about that they wouldn't get at home. Ya know what I mean? Anyway, the girls had a good time playing instruments and amusing themselves.

I wasn't the best photographer and I could have gotten much better pictures, especially in the arts and engineering area. I am disappointed with myself. I'll have to work on that. Makayla made some art out of green paper and a popsicle stick. She wrote on it, "I love you two". Yeah, I'm keeping that.

After the museum, Matthew and I took Makayla to get some food and then to Terra Toys. I don't know if it is a good idea to take children to a toy store but, hey, I'm not a parent. She wound up getting two books which is admirable since we could have left with the whole store bagged up. I remember when I was in Cincy and Amanda was little. She wanted to go to a toy store after we had been shopping all afternoon and my sister said I could take her but that she was not to get anything. So after we wandered around I noticed she was saying to herself, "I'm going to get this, and this and that and oh, I want that." So I asked her how she was going to pay for all this stuff she was planning on getting and she turned to me and said, "You have money." Wow... I think she was seven or eight at that point. I was a little shocked. When I was a kid I never wanted toys, I only wanted candy. Probably because I had enough stuff at home to play with I never cared about getting "new" things. (And that wanting candy thing still hasn't changed....)

I was sad to give Makayla back to Matthew's parents. She is too adorable and she warmed up to me pretty easily. She drew a few pictures of me for me and I put them on my fridge. She sat on my lap at the museum and hugged me a few times. I would be more affectionate with her but I tend to wait to see what kids want from me before getting all over them. And, she is Matthew's niece. He doesn't see her all the time and she adores him and crawls all over him. It is very cute and I don't want to be in the way of that.

At Mass the next day I was hoping she would sit between us but she wanted her Gramma and that was very sweet. Karol went up with her to the children's liturgy and I hope she had a good time. I wish we could have seen more of her that day but her mom came home and she was with her.

Sunday evening, I had Matthew and his parents over for dinner and we grilled kabobs and had a salad and some bread. It was healthy and delicious. I love how everything off the grill tastes so good. I really love Matthew's parents and listening to them talk about being kids and their lives. I would love to do that every week. They are wonderful grandparents to Makayla and I can really appreciate seeing that. My parents are good too, but there was an adjustment period. My own grandma was so perfect that it is hard to stand up to her. She set the bar high and so my siblings have high expectations of my parents. When they don't meet them.....eeeek! They try and I give them kudos for that.

Anyway, splendid weekend and I have so much to look forward to this week!

Prayer:

Lord, thank you for the many blessings that I have in my life. I cherish each and every one of them and I can only sing joyfully to You for Your love and generosity. I understand that to whom much is given, much is expected. I pray that I am worthy and meet those expectations. Help me to listen when You are speaking to me and to succumb fully to Your will. I pray that you bless those whom I love and bless their lives with Your presence. Answer their prayers, oh Lord, for they need You and Your grace.

Can I Get You A Refill?

2009-05-11T10:58:00.000-05:00

After Mass this Sunday a few of us went to the newly opened McAllister's located just across the street from our wonderful St. Louis. Being Mother's Day our attendance was low so lunch included Lindsey, Greg, Matthew and myself.

I don't want to exaggerate so I will try to tell a clear story and please don't accuse me of dramatics... Two people opened up the door for us and proceeded to both greet us in the exact same manner. If we missed the girl on the left, we couldn't miss the guy on the right....

Ordering and eating went just fine. Atmosphere was lovely and food was tasty! However there were too few customers and too many employees. Just as one walked away from us asking if they could get us a refill another showed up seconds later coming from the opposite direction to ask if we needed a refill. What? You just walked passed each other, couldn't you have said, "they don't need a refill." Or just assumed that if one person went out of their way to walk pass our table that they probably asked about the refill option????

Could I possibly be harping on this? Well, the answer is no. This happened so many times (I'd be willing to say at least fifteen times it occurred) that we didn't feel comfortable staying there to chat after eating. Matthew actually asked Lindsey to hurry up and finish so we could leave. Is there such a thing as attentive bad service? I know the answer to that is yes...

I look forward to eating there again after they have had time to wind down, get more customers and maybe fire a few employees who don't have anything to do.

Fourth Week of Easter

2009-05-05T15:36:00.000-05:00

I never did let you know what it was like to give up television for Lent and now here we are in the fourth week of Easter.

The short version? Liberating.

Long version? I no longer care what is on TV or care to turn it on (sometimes, yes, sometimes I think about The Big Bang Theory and Ugly Betty). I have found so much more meaningful things in my life. I am now able to dedicate time more to prayer, which I felt was seriously lacking. I also have become dedicated to following Father Z's blog which takes up some time during the day, yet has deepened my knowledge and my faith.

It is hard to say how Lent would have been different if I hadn't fallen in love and spent every free second with Matthew. I imagine I would have seen some friends more and worked on some hobbies more. Totally would have slept more. I don't find any of that mattering to me, though. Come on, would it to you? If those friends really cared as well they would have called me and set up a date.

The wonderful things have have changed since Lent:

Matthew (and all that comes with him, nuff said)

Daily prayer

Perpetual Adoration commitment

Deciding to receive the Eucharist on the tongue

Liturgy of the Hours on Wednesday evenings

Parents came to visit

Grown closer to the Gretencords

Food Pantry volunteering

My RCIC kids went through the Sacraments of Initiation

Prayer:

Thank You, Lord, for giving me the reason and the opportunity to overcome my ridiculous amount of TV-watching. I feel better about my life and myself. It only frees me to serve You more. "I will sing to you, O Lord; I will learn from you the way of perfection."

Notre Dame/Notre Shame

2009-05-04T15:51:00.000-05:00

I'm not going to bother writing a lot about my opinion of Notre Dame. I do love the talk I've seen on Father Z's blog and his comments about certain letters and articles written about it.

See the following articles from Father Z:

http://wdtprs.com/blog/2009/03/mcinerny-on-notre-dames-vulgar-lust/

http://wdtprs.com/blog/2009/04/dr-edward-peters-dissects-fr-jenkins/

http://wdtprs.com/blog/2009/03/patrick-buchanan-on-notre-shame/

http://wdtprs.com/blog/2009/04/fr-sirico-of-acton-institute-to-fr-jenkins-of-notre-shame/

and those aren't the only ones, just a few...

To sum it up, I'm against the commencement speaker choice and disappointed with American Catholics as my eyes keep opening up to reality we are suffering an "identity crisis". I pray things will improve. I will never believe that you can be Catholic and Pro-choice. That is just wrong wrong wrong. It is a shame we have so many lukewarm Catholics in our country.

It seems that Americans are of the opinion they can claim to be Catholic yet not follow Church teachings or just blatantly ignore them. Should you really be in line for Communion if that is how you live your life? I guess since you don't understand the implications of your actions and thoughts that you may not realize the detriment to your spiritual life and soul as you stand in that line. Oh the ignorance. It is sorrowful. I'm not trying to be judgmental, I'm fully aware I can tell you of your mistake without crossing that line of judgement. We are put here to be a community of faith and to help each other. If I ignore your sins and misjudgment out of what I think maybe charity is in actuality not charity.

My friends and I made a comment at lunch on Sunday that it is 70% (I don't like posting a number without knowing it is right but I have been assured it is, so....) of American Catholics don't know or believe that the Eucharist is the Body and Blood of Christ. WHAT? I recall when I was little I said something about the Eucharist and I used the verb "symbolizes" and my parents jumped on me right away to correct my error (I thank God every day for their love). In my defense, I was young, I used the wrong word but I knew at least that I believe it was definitely the Body and Blood. I was just an ignorant child using a word without understanding fully the implications of my word-choice. Hell, I still do that as an adult and I am reminded of it constantly (thank you, Matthew, for putting up with my mistakes and for telling me when I make them *slight sarcasm, slight*).

What to do with people you don't like

2009-04-29T17:55:00.000-05:00

This is what I'd like to do: Dip them into a vat of melted chocolate and ship them off to be someone else's problem. That really isn't so hateful is it? At least those other people will get some chocolate out of the matter.

I am coming fast to the decision that I don't want to be around people who don't like themselves. I can't really do anything to help them. Frankly, that is not my job.

I am tired of pettiness, spite, and immaturity. If you think that you are a wonderful person and have a lot to offer and for some reason I don't like you then that is my fault and please be patient and give me another chance. I pray in thanksgiving every day for those that I now love that waited for me to come around to love them. But if you don't like yourself, don't expect me to like you. It is two separate issues. One is my impression of you and that I must fix it. The other is a personal problem with you and only you can fix that. I wish you luck and will pray for you if asked to but I've decided that my patience is now reserved for those that deserve it.

Do you chew Jesus?

2009-04-29T14:52:00.000-05:00

Two topics:

1. Take the Eucharist on the hand or the tongue? What impacts do each of these entertain?

2. Should you let The Body of Christ dissolve on your tongue or is a chew here or there okay?

I have not actually ever entertained either of these ideas. Completely boggles my mind why I have gone to Mass every Sunday for the last 27 years (1404 Masses give or take a few) and never had entertained this idea. I do remember seeing someone take it on the tongue for the first time and asking my mom about it. She didn't seem to think it was a big deal. She said that was an old way of receiving the Eucharist.

The idea is reverence. Sure you don't want to manhandle The Body of Christ too many times before He is in you. Well, several people have touched Him before that EM is offering Him to you. A priest, deacon and the EM has most probably touched the Host. Basically you should be concerned if your hands are clean. (Most people probably know my feelings on that matter. I cringe at the thought of unclean. I do shrug it off occasionally and you may see me act nonchalant about it but inside my brain is screaming the absurdities of the situation. I do it to make myself appear normal and condition myself to being okay with it. Well, hopefully I'm okay with it someday.)

Goodness and now I've been made aware of an argument about whether it is okay to chew the Eucharist. I'm pretty sure that I was told not to chew but I recall that I have caught myself in the past with a chomp here or there to help things along. I am not usually eager to get Jesus down but as I am walking back to my seat I don't think my mind is on how He is doing in my mouth. And I am appalled if people are pointedly looking at me to see if I am chewing. What are they doing if they are noticing this? I think it is better to be an unconscious chewer than a busybody during Mass. My mind is at least in the right place as well as my spirituality. After reading Father Z's discussion board I hope I am not tempted to look around and see who might be chewing.

http://wdtprs.com/blog/2009/03/poll-to-chew-or-not-to-chew/

After a thoughtful internal debate I finally decided that I would like to implement receiving on the tongue as habit for myself. I think that by doing so I am lessening the profanation of Jesus and it just feels right. I have prayed about it and read a few things and it is not wrong to do so nor do I think it is wrong to receive in the hand. For myself, I feel like I am receiving my Lord and my God in a better way. I also desist from chewing. The past three weeks have been an experiment. At first it was consciously hard to not want to chew if He moves around too much. And He was stuck to the roof of my mouth for a bit and I was close to panic on how to treat that problem. I think I finally have it down-pat. I am happier in my decision than I was before. What do you think about all that?

Note: I found this direction on how to receive the Eucharist on the tongue. I plan on giving it a whirl on Sunday:

It’s really very simple – while your mouth is closed, make sure your tongue is touching the inside of your lower lip. Then, maintaining this tongue position, open your mouth as wide as you can by lowering your lower jaw. Your mouth and tongue are then in the correct position for the priest, deacon or Extraordinary Minister to place the Host on your tongue.

They, of course need to learn the correct method of placing the Host on the tongue so that only the Host touches the tongue – using forefinger and thumb only (I’ve seen some EM’s use two fingers and thumb). Place the tip of the Host on the recipient’s tongue and, while pulling the thumb (underneath) back, press down with the forefinger.

The recipient should not, of course, close their mouth until the person placing the Host has drawn back their hand!

Hyper (over) extending the tongue is likely to result in instability and the possibility of the Host dropping!

Joycey

2009-04-01T13:22:00.000-05:00

"If you bungle raising your children, I don't think that whatever else you do matters very much."

~Jackie Kennedy

My mom means the world to me and we know each other inside and out. Mostly because I am a replica of her. Her twin, born 39 years later... We get each other, really get each other. I didn't discover this until I was an adult but we think the same. We analyze things the same. I know how I am going to turn out by knowing my mother. And you know? The future ain't half bad.

The way we can make each other laugh over the inconsequential things causing my father to shake his head in confusion are the best of times.

The worst of times is when we are angry with each other. Trust me, it doesn't last long. The only way I know to torture Joyce is to not call her for several days. However, I am torturing myself at the same time. Yesterday, in fact, we had words and I was determined not to call for a couple days but this morning I just couldn't help but call and talk to her. I think it was obvious she was happy to be back on track with me too.

I believe that my dad and I have a good relationship because he relates to me. He sees his wife in me. He sees the teenager he fell in love with. The woman he dreamt about when he was overseas. The woman he mailed a diamond ring to from San Francisco. The woman he came back to marry and raise his kids with. The woman he is growing old with and loving his grandchildren with. Yeah, I love my dad too.

I don't remember the last time the word "love" was used between Joyce and I. Probably I was a little child drawing pictures for her. But even though it is not said it is felt and shown. Sometimes I think it is shown in the best way possible. What use is the word if there is nothing to back it up? I've seen plenty of friends told "I love you" by their mothers and I am appalled and want to say, "You do? You certainly don't act like it." My mother pretends to be selfish but I have always known she puts things aside that she would rather do to do things for me.

People are shocked that I call her by her first name. But goodness the woman doesn't answer to "Mom!" Believe me, I've tried. She won't turn her head if you are standing right next to her. I was convinced it was because she had told herself she was childless when I was a kid. I'm not sure my opinion has changed on that.

My parents are coming to visit me soon and I can't wait. When I think about how much they miss me and how much I miss them then my heart gets heavy and the world blurs. When I stop to think about it, I am jealous of my siblings. They will always have had a longer time with Mom and Dad than I will ever have. They knew them when they were young. My only consolation is that I had them all to myself as a child and didn't have to share very often. I want to experience more memories with them and more love. I want them to remain young and to spend more time together. I am desperately afraid of the days where their minds fail and I will love them anyway and take care of them.

They are still young. My father hasn't walked me down the aisle yet. My mother hasn't made my quilt and wedding dress yet. They haven't hugged me enough or held a child of mine.

I still have time.

Update

2009-03-27T12:17:00.000-05:00

I haven't posted in a few days. I have, however, written several drafts that I have yet to revise and publish on here. Sorry, will get there soon. Too many things going on right now to finish an old draft when all I want to do is start another one. After talking to my boss and setting up some reactions I spent the morning reading Father Z's blog and came upon a lively discussion about what books are "essential" to read to make one's mind cultured and cultivated. I was pleasantly surprised to find that I had read quite a bit of the literature (thank you, professors at UK in the Honors Program for introducing me to famous works and then forcing me to write papers on them). Sadly, my copies of those books are now lost and I still scratch my head on where these boxes of books went missing when I moved around from 2000-2006. I do miss those books and all their pencil-scratched notes. And then I got on goodreads to mark down the books that I should spend some time reading in the future. There is never enough time. I have been reading every day and I haven't finished a book in over a month! Strange. Maybe tonight I can get close to finishing The Everlasting Man.

Not for those that get sick easily...

2009-03-23T11:02:00.001-05:00

Ugh, allergies!

People think I'm crazy but I had no idea what they were until I moved here. I had no idea that a sinus infection could knock you off your feet and feel like the flu. I now take a zytrec every day and just recently that isn't doing it for me.

Thankfully, I am not having problems with pressure and my nose is clear. My big problem is drainage in the back of my throat. I can't sleep at night. Last night I slept sitting up. I'm very thankful for the amazing back-pillow that Denise gave me in college. That thing is versatile and wonderful!

So I got up this morning, ate my wonderful bowl of cereal and proceeded to take my pills: zyrtec, multivitamin, two pills of allergy herbal stuff that I got from Shannon and four sudafed. Then after brushing my teeth the gunk that drained down last night decided it didn't want to be digested and I stood for a few minutes choking up pieces of green thick crud which drained from my sinuses. Every time I see it it makes me thing of cottage cheese. Gross. I actually amazed that I didn't up-chuck my breakfast and all the fabulous medicine that I just consumed. I hope it doesn't last much longer. (note: I detest cottage cheese)

I can actually live with this. I feel fine and function quite well, it could be worse. The only thing that makes me irritable about this is that I can't get up and run in the morning. I'm actually scared to go out and run any time of day right now. I dread what I could do to my sinuses by doing that. I need to run, it makes me feel awesome and look awesome. Yes, I am complaining. People get to do that every now and then. And I've tried to run at the gym. Completely boring for me. So yoga is my only solace right now.

That's it for the day. Nothing thought-provoking. The things that I am contemplating right now are not something that I wish to share with the world and would probably violate someone else's trust. Just know that Lauren's is always wrapping her mind around something and that she is really happy.

Prayers for the day:

For Scott and Melissa,

For Ben's soul to pass quickly to Our Lord,

For lonely friends,

For my family's health,

and unspoken prayers

When your nightmares come true...

2009-03-18T12:32:00.000-05:00

So everyone in my department is not that concerned over getting a job or a post doctoral position. They keep talking about how wonderful it is that we have President Obama who will pool more money back into the sciences and we won't have to worry about it.

What?

What money? Where is this money coming from? Do you really think that this man is going to "bail out" the funding problems in education and in the sciences? You've got to be kidding me.

I mean, I will admit that certainly if we still had a president like "Dubble-Yuh" (okay, that was rude, but I am being comical in poor taste) we would be screwed. We've watched the money deplete over the last few years and so now having a Democrat in office is going to save things. I admit that when budgets are concerned democrats put more money into research than republicans but I just don't see in this situation how we will come out on top. Maybe I'm looking at the glass half-empty and my peers are wandering around with glasses half-full. But I am practical and live (for the most part) in reality. (On a side note, this logical and analytical mind that I have has its ups and downs. I get reminded by the downs quite a bit from people who don't even realize they are hurting my feelings. I probably just brush it off my shoulder saying they don't really understand what is going on so I am okay. Seriously, people. There is a place for imagination and wistfulness but in my life it is scheduled not pervasive.)

So I just read this article that was published in the Austin Statesmen and The New York Times this month. My comments in red:

Chris Pieper began looking for an academic job in sociology about six months ago, sending off about two dozen application packets. The results so far? Two telephone interviews, and no employment offers. Oh geez, I am just telling myself that this is sociology, not chemistry. “About half of all the rejection letters I’ve received mentioned the poor economy as contributing to their decision,” said Mr. Pieper, 34, who is getting his doctorate from the University of Texas, Austin. “Some simply canceled the search because they found the funding for the position didn’t come through. Others changed their tenure-track jobs to adjunct or instructor positions.” Ahhhhh! No job security! Are universities going to consider changing contract positions to tenure-track if the economy swings up? I highly doubt it, they already have that person by the balls. I am already gearing myself up for a career of constant struggle to keep a position or find a new one.

“Many of the universities I applied to received more than 300 applications,” he added.

Mr. Pieper is not alone. Fulltime faculty jobs have not been easy to come by in recent decades, but this year the new crop of Ph.D. candidates is finding the prospects worse than ever. Public universities are bracing for severe cuts as state legislatures grapple with yawning deficits. This whole deficit thing is not Bush's fault. It has been going on for decades where schools just never balance their budget. Everyone else is in debt, why not us? Spend spend spend. If we weren't trying to make college education so affordable with student loans then schools wouldn't be taking advantage and raising the cost of tuition by 5% every year. At the same time, even the wealthiest private colleges have seen their endowments sink and donations slacken since the financial crisis. So a chill has set in at many higher education institutions, where partial or full-fledge hiring freezes have been imposed.

A survey by the American Historical Association, for example, found that the number of history departments recruiting new professors this year is down 15 percent, while the American Mathematical Society’s largest list of job postings has dropped more than 25 percent from last year. You don't want to know my opinion about this.

“This is a year of no jobs,” said Catherine Stimpson, the dean of the Graduate School of Arts and Sciences at New York University. Ph.D.s are stacked up, she said, “like planes hovering over La Guardia.” I'm trying not to cry here.

The anticipated wave of retirements by faculty members who are 60-something is likely to slow as retirement savings accounts and pensions wither, administrators and professors say. That means that some students who have finished postdoctoral fellowships and who expected to leave for faculty positions are staying put for another year, which in turn closes off an option for other graduate students coming up the ladder. I have been bitching about this since I started school. Why why why do we allow these--face it--old men, to keep an office and have a paid position when they barely know the route as they drive to work each morning? I have seen plenty of dementia and confusion around the place and it is depressing. When I say "old" I mean late sixties and seventies. You shouldn't be working anymore. I won't back down on this. Don't even try. It will infuriate me to high levels if you are on the opposing side of this argument. My dad retired when he was 52. Bless him! It was a fortunate instance but he wasn't trying to work to get more money and be greedy and not open up a position for someone else. He and my mother live comfortably and are quite happy. He was a telephone man for Chrissake...

“I was encouraged to aim very high initially, but as I have watched more and more jobs pulled, I am worried about whether I can even get a postdoc,” said Vanessa Svihla, 33, a graduate student in science education at the University of Texas, Austin. She is defending her dissertation next month. “Amidst all the normal stress of finishing a dissertation and trying to get publications out, hiring freezes are a bit overwhelming,” she said. Should you really be defending without a postdoc lined up, hun? What are you going to do for the next year while you are applying?

Although some people think that graduate school is a good place to wait out a crash, some undergraduates said they had either canceled or postponed plans to enter graduate school this fall because of the bad economy or their inability to get student loans. Cool, thank you to those kids. Admissions still say that applications are up 140%.

Aisha Hadlock, 21, a senior at Oberlin College who majored in Islamic studies, decided to delay graduate school for at least a year. “I don’t have the financial means to support myself through grad school in this economy, and grants and loans are so hard to get right now,” Ms. Hadlock said. The types of programs that offer generous financial aid “will be overrun with applicants,” she added.

Andrew Delbanco, the chairman of the American studies program at Columbia University, said that the system producing graduate students was increasingly out of sync with the system hiring them. *Tears up*

“It’s been obvious for some time — witness the unionization movement — that graduate students are caught between the old model of apprentice scholars and the new reality of insecure laborers with uncertain employment prospects,” Mr. Delbanco said. “Among the effects of the financial crisis will clearly be shrinkage both in graduate fellowships and in entry-level academic positions, so the prospects for aspiring Ph.D.’s are getting even bleaker.” Does anyone like the word "bleak"? I for one, don't.

Many in the humanities fear that their fields are going to suffer most. Humanities professors are already among the lowest-paid faculty members, according to the Humanities Indicators Prototype, a new, decade-long effort to establish a database of information led by the American Academy of Arts and Sciences. Okay, here I am thankful that I am in the sciences. I feel awful for these people.

What’s more, nearly half of all the positions are part time — with no job security and no benefits — a situation that many educators expect to worsen.

Many students now finishing their doctorates began working on them when the economy was in much better shape. Hell yeah! I am still trying to figure out what exactly happened. It often takes about nine years NINE years? What are you doing this whole time? No, I don't want to think about it. to complete a dissertation in English, said Louis Menand, an English professor at Harvard, explaining that students have to devote so many hours to teaching and making money that they don’t have time left over to write.

William Pannapacker, an associate professor of English at Hope College in Holland, Mich., who writes a column for The Chronicle of Higher Education under the name Thomas Benton, has frequently tried to dissuade undergraduates from pursuing a graduate degree in the humanities. He is convinced that the recession will push universities to trim the number of tenure-track jobs further. Sounds very practical but awful to discourage students from pursuing something they may be good at or want.

“It’s hard to tell young people that universities recognize that their idealism and energy — and lack of information — are an exploitable resource,” he wrote in a recent column. “If you cannot find a tenure-track position, your university will no longer court you; it will pretend you do not exist and will act as if your unemployability is entirely your fault.”

Unless you are independently wealthy or really well connected, don’t apply, he advised.
Margaret Peacock, 35, who spent eight years on her dissertation in Soviet history at the University of Texas, is one of the lucky ones. A winner of a federal Fulbright-Hays scholarship and the mother of three children, Ms. Peacock just accepted a tenure-track job at the University of Alabama. At the historian association’s convention in January, she said that a number of people who sat on hiring committees told her that they were pressing to complete faculty searches this year partly because “they are worried that there will be no budget for new hires” in the future.

“I also know that many of the offers being made by departments to their chosen candidates are not as generous as they have been in past years, with higher teaching loads and less room to negotiate salary,” Ms. Peacock added. Americanists seem to be having a much tougher time now than those specializing in other historical areas, she said. “I am becoming increasingly convinced that I got in under the wire.” I'm green with envy.

In the past 30 years, public and private money dedicated to the humanities has also significantly declined. The budget for the National Endowment for the Humanities is roughly a third of what it was at the high point of 1979, after adjusting for inflation, according to the Humanities Indicators data, though stimulus money may raise that figure.

Only 13 percent, or about $16 million, makes its way into scholarly projects. And unlike the National Science Foundation and the National Institutes for Health, the humanities endowment does not give awards to postdoctoral students. It's not like the NSF is giving away post docs to the majority of students. It is very competitive and I imagine the difference in size of science students and humanities is vast in number so the amount of scientists receiving a fellowship is around 1-2%. Thus, the majority of students suffer across the board.

Of course the humanities don’t require labs and expensive equipment, but as Leslie Berlowitz, the chief executive of the arts and sciences academy, notes, the humanities suffer more from across-the-board cuts because those professors are much less able to generate financing outside of the university, unlike the hard and social sciences. Such scholars also find fewer job opportunities outside of academia. True. Which is why I am in science, I knew that ahead of time.

Mr. Pieper is still looking but he is discouraged. “The timing of this downturn was exactly wrong for my entering the academic market, and there’s no guarantee it will be better next year,” he said. “It takes a long time for these situations to right themselves.” The scary thing is no one knows how long. I pray that it is five years and that I make the right choices between now and then to make sure that I can advance if possible and not get stuck because of some job choice I made now makes me undesirable.

I have these chaotic rampages going on in my head of "what are you doing to do?" and I don't have an answer. Not having an answer is what is really the thing that is bothering me. In actuality I am taking every day at a time. It is the best thing to do. Pray about it. Sleep on it. Do your best. Don't be lazy. Jump on opportunities. Don't say no without thinking about it first (this goes for yes too). I have to tell myself that pacing and obsessing about it won't make things better. For the most part this does the job and I am sure that I am a pretty calm and rational person. I will survive. I have good health, loving family, fabulous friends. Not getting what I want won't kill me so I can do without if necessary and get by.

When someone asks me what I want out of life I really just want to be happy. And it doesn't take much to make me happy. I like the simple things in life. I want to feel successful not necessarily be recognized as successful by people who I don't know. So, anyway, my note to myself today: If God wills it.

Happy Saint Paddy's Day!

2009-03-17T10:40:00.000-05:00

We have had two floods in the building in the past couple of weeks. First, my friend Joe ran a reaction under reflux with a condenser all day and it didn't leak. He came back to work at 10:30pm to check on it and it wasn't leaking. But sometime between 10:30pm and 8am it sprung a leak and the water went through the floor and dripped down into a lab on the third floor. The prof down there was a little pissed and came up to tell us so. It could have been worse. As my boss says, "We could have burned the building down". Way to look on the bright side.

Then a few days later someone upstairs tried to neutralize a reaction in a separatory funnel which is made of glass and the solution was ether. So as the acid/base reaction took place and generated a bit of heat the ether expanded......and exploded the sep funnel. The students had to pull the shower to be safe. And the shower up there has a shower head that is about ten times larger than your standard shower head. The water drained down into my boss' office and he put a big trash can under the flow, covered everything with plastic and took off. hahahahaha

In both of these cases there is no drain system in the floors. What are people thinking? How hard could that be to include in building plans? Especially under a shower, no drain??? I can only imagine the vast expanse of my ignorance over why there must not be a drain present.

And yesterday I tried to use our lab PC to see how our website looks on another computer http://jones.cm.utexas.edu and I couldn't get the computer to turn on and it kept beeping at me. I love my Mac. So Joe tells me this morning that someone stole the RAM out of it. What the hell? We try to keep our doors locked when no one is in there so how did that happen? The amusing thing is that it was only $20 worth of RAM and there are lots of other things much more worthy of stealing over there. People are nuts.

What is next???? Somehow that reminds me that I need to back up my computer. The last thing I need is to come to work and find it gone and everything that I haven't backed up gone as well.

The Ramblings of my Mind

2009-03-16T12:26:00.000-05:00

We can all agree that even the most minor decisions will affect other people or develop into larger consequences further down the road. Right?

So, my question is... Why do people get so upset when you make the wrong decision?

Is it because they trusted you to make a decision that they personally wanted? Does that make sense? Do you want to give up your free will to make choices as you see fit? Should we not then be able to respect the decisions that other people make?

I don't know what brought this about. I guess I have consequences looming up around me and I am wondering how I am best to handle them. My decisions from here on out will direct who I am and I am trying to study each and make the best decision to the best of my ability. Am I being vague? I don't think I really even understand what I am mulling over myself. The title is ramblings...

I have recently started to understand that when someone is angry with me then it is probably because I hurt them (Go ahead and be puzzled over this, I'm slow about some things). And rather than them coming to me to tell me about it and give me the chance to correct my mistake they take the "high road" of righteousness and are mean and nasty to me instead.

I would gladly get on my knees and do whatever the person wants to get back into their good graces. I only am asking for the chance. (note: this is only in reference to those who mean the world to me. I would never lower my own dignity for just anyone. If you've discovered my blog off of facebook you don't necessarily rank but if I told you about my blog then you are in that world that I speak of.)

I suppose it is hard to go to someone and open yourself up to say that you have been hurt. However I don't see myself laughing off someone who decides to tell me about it. Do I give off that impression of haughtiness and uncaring? Goodness, I hope not. I sometimes suspect that my true expression comes off fake. I find it hard to tell someone exactly how I feel. It doesn't mean that my feelings are any less real or as intense. I just find that sometimes.....

words.....

fail.

Cincinnati and the 80s

2009-03-09T18:31:00.000-05:00

I like to fondly think about those days when I was very small and I lived in Cincinnati (we moved to Kentucky when I was five). Because those four-plus years were the only years in my life that my family has lived together as one. My sisters were in college and worked at Kroger. My brother was in high school at La Salle. I remember stories where Denise would bribe me to be good with orange tic-tacs and I was so gullible! Orange tic-tacs? Come on! I should have gotten something better than that.

My dad worked all the time and so he liked spending evenings with me. I didn't like to go to bed if he was still up so he would let me sit on the couch with him and I would fall asleep and then he would put me to bed. On weekends he would run a lot. He liked running. I would sit on the front steps of the house waiting for him to come back from his run. I followed him around when he was home. I was his "honey-pot" and he showered me with love.

Denise is my oldest sister who wanted to teach me everything. I could read at a very young age and I read all the time. I had so many children's books that she bought for me. I am probably where I am today because she invested so much time in making sure I knew how to read and spell. I'm still pretty sure that she is the one who taught me to tie my shoes. It makes me wonder what did my mother do?

Melissa was studying court reporting and was clickety-clackety typing on her little typewriter to practice her wpm. When she couldn't play with me she would take the special kind of paper that they use and make a small notebook for me to draw things for her. It was amazing. I miss those days. And, I think that is the reason I fall in love with office supplies. Don't take me to Office Depot, I will leave with my hands full.

On Fridays, Denise and Melissa would work at Kroger until midnight. I would be in my crib and waiting for them to come home. The minute they opened the door I would call out, "Wissa?!" She still laughs to this day about those times. They always brought home a treat for me and I was excited to have them home. Despite having two amazing children my one sister says the best thing that ever happened to her was my birth. My parents attention was from then on focused on me and my siblings could breathe easier and get away with more antics.

My mom was/is not the most patient person but she did an amazing job of coming up with projects for me to do to not get bored. I had all kinds of crafts! And in school I had the best ideas for contests and won several science fair awards. I do owe it all to her. She had the idea, convinced me of it and gave me the background I needed and then stood back and let me accomplish what she had in mind. What a manipulator...

During bible study once the question was put out: What is your first memory of church? Mine has to be playing in the pews during the week. My mom and her best friend volunteered to clean the church during the week. I got to go with them and explore Saint I's. I loved it! I had to be quiet but the place was dark, cool and empty. The smell of furniture polish and the echoes of my mom and Kinross' discussions are still in my head somewhere. Church was fun, even at that age. Maybe that is why the community of faith means so much to me, I had it at a very young age.

We have a very old pinball machine. When I was little I could not put my hands on both buttons at once. Melissa would stand on one side and control one of the pinball knockers and I controlled the other. So when my mom wanted to get rid of the pinball machine when I was in college I cried and threw a fit. I don't want to give up those days nor anything that is still around from them. Dad understood and he has made my brother store it in his basement because one day I am going to have that pinball machine and my family is going to play it and create memories.

My brother teased me a lot so I tried hard to either annoy the crap out of him or to stay away from him. He would be irritated that when his friends came over to "hang out" they would want to play with me and my pound puppies. Having such a younger little sister is a novelty and other people understand that even when the older sibling doesn't. The most annoying times he would either accuse me of pooping my pants in front of the family at Thanksgiving (or every other holiday for that matter) which would send me into a fit of tears as everyone, and I mean everyone thought it was so funny. I was hurt that my loved ones would laugh at me. I do find it amusing now. I can mature....

Robby also used to get me into trouble. He would try to convince me of something that wasn't true and I would always yell, "Nuh-Uh!" and he would say, "Yeah-huh! Go ask Mom!" and I would trot out to find Mom. "Mom, is the moon made of cheese?" and boy did she get mad. I think it happened all the time (no wonder she had no patience). I wanted to prove him wrong and she would just yell at me and yell at me. Robby thought it was the funniest thing ever. That still makes me narrow my eyes when I think about it.

In conclusion? I have nothing. Just a bunch of random memories that pooled to the surface. Maybe it defines me a little more and explains my behavior and idiosyncrasies.

*Note: Please keep in mind that my memories are just that, memories. Not necessarily denoting fact but my mind's rendition of what I remember and what I got out of the experience. I also have had these stories told to me from others' points of view that my own may be misconstrued.

Puns

2009-03-04T10:31:00.000-06:00

I wish I could be as witty and pun as well as Greg can. It is a skill that is not inherent of most people. Greg can tell you a pun during basically every conversation that you have with him or that he overhears from other people. He is also excellent to watch television with as he waits for a commercial and then gleefully tells you the pun he had been holding onto for the last ten minutes. Wow, it is impressive. If I wait for a commercial to tell someone something I hope it doesn't include their house burning down because I would forget to mention it.

I pretend disdain when Greg tells a pun but it is only because I am reacting to a natural desire to tease him. If he should stop his "punning" then I would find it a sad pun-ishment. And no, that is not an original. Greg has said that to me himself.

On second thought maybe I don't really wish I could pun as well as Greg. Rather, I wish I always found myself understanding his puns right away. Sometimes I have to ponder over what he just said to get it while everyone else is laughing. I feel like the stupid one of the group. I'm grateful when Matthew acknowledges the greatness of the pun and unknowingly clues me into the joke behind it.

Yes, Lauren is only half-witted or maybe totally witless.

Ash Wednesday

2009-02-25T12:00:00.000-06:00

This morning I went to church for the children's Mass which was amazing. I've never been to one before and it was really endearing to see everyone attentive, reverent and under four feet tall.

Have you ever felt pure joy of heart? I was thinking about this during Mass for several reasons. When I am really focused and feeling the Lord's presence then I definitely feel pure joy. But it is not something that lasts for long periods of time for me. I am not an unhappy person--by all means I am very content with my life. I am very blessed and sometimes that makes me scared. When will the bad things come? Anyway, I digress... Content is not a bad word, it should be something that everyone strives to achieve. I have everything that I could possibly need and the things that I want I pray for so I'm waiting (thank you to J.C. and his Mother and Father for lending an ear).

The church was packed with children and during the singing of the Lord's Prayer I could just hear all of the children's voices raised in unison and it flooded my heart with joy bringing

tears to my eyes. I don't remember the last time I felt it so strongly but I would love to feel it again... anytime... now... I hope you experience these things as I gain strength and understanding from them. During the song I looked around at the adults around me and I wondered if they too felt it. I didn't want to prayer to end.

You can label me as sappy, that's okay I won't be offended.

Fat Tuesday

2009-02-24T10:37:00.000-06:00

What is your Lenten sacrifice? I have been turning ideas around in my head because I want to pick something that I believe I can follow through with but will still be a challenge.

In the past I have tried to conquer three or four things believing that if I failed one I still had others to work on. That really isn't the point, now is it? I also tried to do things rather than giving up. Such as not fighting with others or always trying to be the nicer person. That's something I should be doing every day anyway...

So now, I want to give up one thing and stick to it and be successful. It also must give me some blessings that will enhance my spiritual life as well as overall quality of life. Giving up a certain food or type of food would influence my health (maybe, I would probably wind up picking something just as satisfying believing I was holding to my sacrifice) but it wouldn't affect my spiritual life. God does not really care if I give up chocolate, I am sure. It will not lead me to Him.

What have I decided to give up? Television. I am procrastinating at home and at work by watching streaming video online of shows that suck me in. Which most television shows suck me in really easily. I was one of those children who watched Nickelodeon all day during the summers and so as an adult I love television. Does it really improve the quality of my life? Absolutely not. In fact I could be cleaning my apartment or organizing paperwork or learning a new cooking technique. Instead I like to plop down on the couch and unwind as I like to call it. I could be saying the rosary every night before going to bed rather than watching TV up the point of crawling into bed.

So, is this something that I should be able to do? Yes, it should be totally logical to believe that someone could give up watching TV for Lent, right? I hope so...

I don't want to find myself as an older person wondering why I haven't done all the amazing things in life that other people seem to accomplish outside of work. I want to organize programs and social functions, I want to be involved. I don't think you can do that if you spend several hours every week "glued to the tube."

So, if you happen to see me give into temptation. Please, please, please please! Sternly tell me to get up and do something else and tell me that I am hurting myself by breaking my sacrifice and that I am disappointing our Lord. That should shame me well enough!